ya iyalah saya emang penyiar!!!

berawal dari hari kamis kemarin, waktu saya sedang ngecek tugas di studio, skalian ajah buat buka blog, trus ada comment si iVo yang bilang "oh emang penyiar beneran yah, kirain cuman kecanduan radio doang", trus sempet chat juga ama bebex, yang malahan nanya lagi apakah saya penyiar beneran apa kagak. ya iyalah!!! (upz, gak pake urat ngomongnya,, puasa,,,)
radio, inilah dunia saya, dimana saya akan menjalankan hari hariku ke depan (ceileh,,,), yah,, sebagai anak komunikasi, gak jauh-jauh dari media juga nanti kerjaannya. jadi wartawan, kok kayak gak sreg yah?? buat filem, gak terlalu minat, klub fotografi, gak terlalu suka,, tapi yang namanya radio,, oke dJ!!! hehehehehehe, dan inilah sekarang sudah berada di program studi public relations, bisa gak yah, nanti jadi pR yang baik? secara gitu loh, agak-agak complicated juga.
trus masih mengenai radio juga, belum cukup 2 hari yang lalu, sebuah pesan singkat masuk ke henpun kuw, "bal, telpon ke sonata skarang". hah? ada apaan nih si sansan wawa menyuruh saya menelpon ke radio itu? ternyata sodara-sodara,, saya disuruh morning!!! kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, setelah 7 bulan saya minta cuti plus resign, baru saya dipanggil kembali? apalagi menurut ceritanya terakhir anak-anak yang tersisa, nasib tu radio makin gak jelas. tanya aja anak makassar, sapa sih yang gak tau sonata?
kalo dulu saya malas membicarakan kebobrokan dan kebusukan dalamnya, lebih karena persoalan etis saja, masa di tempat saya mencari nafkah, saya mebicarakan aibnya? tapi sekarang semuanya sudah terlambat...
buat bapak dan mbak sandra,, ketika kami semua dulu memberikan yang terbaik buat radio itu, sayang apa yang kemudian kami dapatkan tidak sebanding. hanya dua pilihan ketika kami memberikan pendapat kami. ikut arus, ato keluar ajah, masih banyak yang mau masuk di sini. itulah jawaban kalian waktu itu. jadi kami yang masih mempunyai pendirian, dan mengetahui ada yang salah, saya pribadi memilih menentang arus itu. saya keluar. walaupun harus melepas posisi dimana nama kita di tahu seantero makassar. tapi itulah keputusan saya. walopun saya harus memulai dari bawah lagi di radio saya yang sekarang. tidak masalah. semuanya berproses. dan sonata pun berproses. dulu saya berkata saya ingin bersama kalian sampai hancur. tapi maaf, masih ada mimpiku yang lain.
dan bapak, mbak sandra, sudah terlambat bagi kalian memanggil kami kembali. sudah terlalu banyak kekecewaan yang kami tanggung. maaf. tetapi biarlah anak baru dan generasi baru yang ada di radio itu. toh kami sudah punya kehidupan masing masing.
selamat tinggal 96 sonata fm. selamat tinggal reza mahendra. toh kalian hanya kenangan skrang. dan saya tidak akan lupa kalianlah yang membentuk seorang iqbal yang skarang. tetapi sekali lagi, masih ada mimpi yang saya emban, dan tempat saya sudah bukan disitu,,,

kata orang...

kata orang puasa itu mesti sabar,,
supaya amalnya gak ilang
kan capek-capek puasa, tapi amalnya gak ada
sama aja boong.
begh, tampaknya bulan puasa ini
masih banyak planning yang mesti terjalankan
rencana buat film dokumenter untuk mata kuliah cinematografi (hore,,, jalan2 ke bantimurung!!!)
kuliah dengan baik dan benar di ski (mesti wawancara para penari)
cari tugas buat kuliah promosi dan periklanan ( dan ini mseti di dunia nyata)
gak bisa nginap di studio dulu selama 1 bulan ini, gila aja, masa mo sahuran di sana?
masih bingung dengan kata-kata "teman", sebenarnya saya capek sendirian, but,, saya kali yah yang gak nyadar banyak yang sayang sama saya.
keadaannya kakek yang makin memburuk, dan masih banyak lagi yang lainnya
yups, i'm a drama king
semoga ramadhan ini bisa menjernihkan dan menghilangkan
semua perasaan dan prasangka itu
amin,

make damn sure

woi,,, liatin dunk nih skin
kok gak bisa kebuka di mozilla yah??
komen yah,,,
ato pake skin yang lama ajah??
help me plizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MAAF!!!

so damn frustated
niatnya mo canggih
tapi malah error
maaf skali lagi, niatnya mo ganti skin
tapi gagal!!!
ada beberapa link yang hilang
maaf, akan segera di upload lagi,
sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
buat bebex dan lainnya, wait, okeh!!!

n.g.o.r.o.k

wakakakaka, apakah masalah ini juga dialami oleh anda?, saudara anda? atau justru orang yang menemani anda tidur selama ini? dan pastilah hanya satu yang ingin dilakukan. menjitak, membangunkan, ataukah mencari tempat tidur yang lain. sebenarnya saya juga heran, sejak kapan kebiasaan "ngorok" atau mendengkur ini kembali mengdatangi saya. karena perasaan beberapa tahun yang lalu karir tidur saya itu sangat "bersih", tidak pernah mendengkur, walaupun tidur berjalan, iyah ^^. dimulai dari peristiwa tergusurnya saya dari kamar saya (lanjutan dari episode "tidurku terjajah"), karena akhirnya untuk kemaslahatan banyak orang, akhirnya kakek saya diungsikan ke rumah. dan yang menjadi korban, ya saya!!! kamar saya menjadi kamar beliau, dan saya harus menjelajah untuk mencari bidang datar di waktu malam, sekedar untuk melepaskan kantuk. dan alternatifnya yaitu : kursi di ruang tamu, kasur di depan tivi, kamarnya pace, tidur di studio. dan saya bergerilya tiap malam, dimana tempat-tempat tersebut "available" di waktu tidur menjelang. suatu hari fitrah (adek bungsu) melapor ke pace,
"bapak, itu kk' iqko kalo tidur ngorok nya bikin takut-takut".
hah? saya ngorok?
mace pun ternyata memberi statement yang sama,
"kau itu bikin kaget-kaget kalo tidur. dikira ada orang di luar. padahal kau yang ngorok."
begh. dan terakhir saya pun bertanya pada fajar (dia yang paling sering menemani saya nginap di studio, dan melihat segala attitude saya)
"Jar, saya ngorok yah, kalo tidur?"
"iyo, baru kau sadar?"
damn!!! ternyata semua sampel yang diuji akurat, dan saya pun menyimpulkan saya memang ngorok di malam hari. kenapa bisa yah? apakah bagian dalam tenggorokan saya kembali membengkak? ataukah karena di studio yang terlalu dingin (biasanya nekat tetep nyalakan ac walopun tidur), ataukah hanya minggu-minggu terakhir ini? karena memang saya yang agak bandel, flu saya gak sembuh-sembuh, bahkan sudah mendekati asma (ckckckck,padahal udah tahunan ni penyakit gak pernah kambuh), akhirnya ngorok itu kembali?
karena menurut artikel yang saya baca, dengkuran terjadi ketika ada masalah di tenggorokan dan salah satu cara menghilangkannya adalah dengan operasi.
oh my gosh!!!, emang gak ada jalan yang lain yah? ada juga dari hembing mengenai obat-batan tradisional, tapi bahan-bahannya gak bisa di dapatkan disini,,,
ada yang bisa kasih alternatif gak? bagaimana mengusir dengkur ini??

Arcade Fire

Site or Gossip?

Alan Barkin, or "Papa," Beck's grandfather and Margie's father, died suddenly last Tuesday the 12th. While very sad, everyone agrees that it was painless and ultimately saved him from a long, drawn out decline in health. That said, he will be extraordinarily missed by those who knew him - Alan was a great man, the center of every party and a vivacious liver of life. And Nyet, Alan's "grandfriend," would like to raise the virtual equivalent of a Scotch toast to him - here's to setting an example and letting 'em know what you think - whether they like it or not :)

So another sad week for the memory banks and another long hiatus from the art of blogging - que puedo decir, the muse she done left town. But whatchagonnado, and here's an attempt at recapturing the last week point five.

So Monday I sat in on Corin's class to see how the other half lives, or more exactly to see where they were in the book. So I gathered that info into my brain and set upon teaching them on Tuesday - an adventure, stepping back into my algebraic brain, but one I've pulled off pretty well. My class is very cool, and just for the record, here are there names:

Sophie, Rachel, Tory, Grace, Mikayla, Teddy, David, Rylie, Jimmy, I Chun, Jin Wuk, Hyun & Joi

Those last five are all Taiwanese students who are ESL 1, meaning they are just starting to learn English. They are extremely nice kids, but are (not surprisingly) not very quick to volunteer in class and shut down if called upon. Plus they didn't show up until the Tuesday I started teaching and the rest of the class was halfway through the first chapter, so, ummmmm... first test didn't go great, but they seem to be catching up. They'll probably be the challenge this semester - very difficult to strike a balance between giving the extra help they need but also throwing them into the fire to make them learn English. I trust I won't destroy their lives too viciously with my mishaps - which is pretty much the same token angle I take with all my students. I'm an equal opportunity lifewrecker, you see? Actually, today a student and I had the following exchange:

Why do you teach here?	For the mad cash.
No, really.	Because I love teaching artists.
That's why we come to school - for your class.	You're lying.
So are you.	True.
So why do you teach here?	Because I like to see young people living their dreams.
Awwwww...	Right before they're crushed.
WHAT?!?!?!	The dreams, not the students.

You see, when I listen to The Wall, I get all teary-eyed and reminiscent (screw you Roger Waters) and think that dark sarcasm actually does have a place "in thuh clahssroom." That exchange, also for the record, was with Rachel, a hip mature student who can take a joke. Minds corrupted (intentionally) = 0. The beat marches on.

Nothing much else memorable happened Tuesday or Wednesday that I can remember at this now-distant point, so I won't try. Thursday morning I ran a statistics lab where the students had to give me stats about M&M packets. probably one of the more boring things in the world, but since candy was involved, eyes lit up. And over the weekend they made ridiculously beautiful pie charts and histograms, all colored according to M&M artificial dyes. Sweet.

Thursday night, iPMM, iPJ and Jamie came into town around 5. We met them, Meghan & Greg and the Harrises (Greg's parents) for dinner in Natick at Dah Mee, resulting in yumminess (Bul Go Gi!) for all involved. The entire weekend was nice despite the circumstances - Barkins, Manns & Searls, just a big family gathering to honor Papa. Friday morning Beck and I left the house about 7:15 so we would get to Newton by 9:20 - and of course, there was no traffic so we got there at 8:20. Boston, you fickle mistress of patternless traffic patterns, I curse you with the manliest of Honda horns. BWWWeeep. We used the extra time to grab Dunkin-ness (we had noted that there are no less than eight Dunkin Donuts between our house in Grafton and Walnut Hill on my way to work. America does not generally exercise, but it runs...). And then headed to the synagogue at 9:20 where we joined the family in the back room. I wore a yarmulka, a first for me. I was mistaken for George, Beck's cousin and son of Margie's brother Danny, repeatedly. Cheeks were pinched. I responded to "I last saw you when you were this high" with "No, you didn't." Not really. But lots and lots of people showed up - Papa attracted a party to be the center of from beyond. Seriously, he was a civil servant and well-respected lawyer in Newton, so all of his old friends and acquaintances came to the service. The service itself - the very serious rabbi conducted matters very smoothly, and Jamie/Beck/Meghan/Danny/Margie all said kind words. I got a "funeral shout-out" from Beck as she recounted the story of the time Papa called me after the Cubs lost game 6 of the 2003 NLCS and, without identifying himself on the phone, said something to the effect of "Now you know how it feels." Jamie recounted Papa and his Diner Debates, and the time he grew a goatee as the result of something of a lost bet with Jamie over a political factoid. Margie read a letter from Papa's youth when he turned 21 - and it contained a really great line about "not wanting to waste his life in olive drab" - he was serving in the Army in India at the time. Really nice service - I am glad that a funeral can contain the severity of ceremony and a stone-faced rabbi (seriously, how did he not laugh at Jamie's stories?) but also contain jewels of life, real accounts / reflections. I neglected to mention that the grandchildren and Greg and I served as the equivalent of pallbearers, walking the casket into the synagogue, so we also walked it out and helped unload it at the cemetery. Backing up... we left the synagogue and drove in a long funeral procession (long in both number of cars and distance) to the cemetery for the burial. There was a military salute and taps played, and two Army men presented Margie a flag for Alan. In the last part of the ceremony, people were invited to shovel dirt onto the casket, a "mitzvah that can never be repaid."

We then followed Scott "Bullitt" Searl through the mad streets of Newton as he Connected things in a French fashion. Luckily Robbie and Ginny (sp?) were ahead of us with Robbie's gigantic melotron dome now featuring Scott-Spot tracing technology, so we were able to follow their fastfeet-licensed mobile to Lesley's (a cousin) house where the post-funeral gathering was held (i.e. wake or sitting shiva). Another nice family gathering featuring yummy foods, none less yummy than the noodle kugel. After an afternoon of talking and reminiscing and occasionally being informed that uninvited people would nonetheless "not be going" to our wedding, we jumped back to Grafton to walk dogs and then went back down briefly to Lesley's and then on to Legal Seafood for dinner with Scott, Margie, Greg, Meghan, Beck and me. Good times - we all downed Scotches in Alan's honor and then partook of delicious, law-abiding seafood.

Saturday was a down day for me as I read and Beck SOAPed; the Searls and Danny/Catherine/George went on Duck Tours for the afternoon and we met everyone at a Texas-themed barbecue joint in Brookline. After the requisite ritual quota of 17 Texas jokes were made, we sat down... to wait. Seriously seriously... wait. An hour and 15 minutes and a Sam Summer and a Margarita later, we actually sat down to order. Great meal, to their credit; I had ribs and barbecued sausage, my favorite foods pretty much.Greg, Scott and I had a wacko, enthusiastic conversation about societal constructs and our indebtedness to the activities of our ancestors. Great times, great food, great convo - we headed home. Sunday I read and did a boatload of schoolwork, watched the Bills win and the Patriots start to win. We had dinner (Bul Go Gi, again, for me) at the aptly named "Korean Restaurant" in Westborough with Ben & PGOAT. Let's see - Ben is taking bets on whether he will go bald or grey first; they've eliminated Denver as a future locale possibility; everything is up in the air but Ali-Ben laugh off life in the way that makes them great. We followed dinner with a final weeks visit to the S&S, where I had the Best Flurry Ever and Ali all but sent her ice cream back. Then Ben played goofy devil's advocate to Beck's veterinary ethics, and Ali corrected my pronunciation of "sentient" and "niche," the first correctly (where the hell in my life did I pick up sent-ee-ent - I am blaming a rogue ethics professor somewhere along the line) and the second incorrectly, unless you're French or something. A much ballyhooed poker game looms in our near future - pscyhed! I miss poker nights.

The working week wearily resumed Monday - and nothing earth-shattering has passed since then, except that I finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics and I have run 8 miles and hit the gym once this week thus far. I also picked up a couple of tutoring clients, so hopefully that will pick up soon. Okay, self reminder now... I owe the universe reviews of:

Citizen Kane / Special Topics / The Progress Paradox / The Squid & the Whale / Easy Rider

Aside from that, the boat just keeps sailing.

Happy Nice Weekend

Holla!!
hmm, selamat berhari minggu semua, sebenarnya, gak niat posting sih, but karena udah skalian browsing, ya udah deh,, karena skarang lagi mencari tugas kuliah yang mesti di kumpulin buat minggu depan, masih tugas retorika (untung dosennya gak masuk minggu lalu jadi bisa dikejar deh :D), plus satu tugas dari kuliah sistem komunikasi indonesia, buat wacana mengenai indonesia, terserah dari sudut mana. alhamdulillah bahannya udah sebanyak-banyak umat, tinggal di sambung dan disusun ajah, mudah-mudahan bisa kelar,,
trus saya juga mau ngucapin buat semuanya yang lagi liburan, sebelum memasuki bulan ramadhan (ada gak yah di daerah lain yang mengenal istilah "minggu terakhir"?), ya udah selamat liburan dan have some fun!!
sebenarnya, masih ada postingan utama yang mau di sebarluaskan, mengenai anak sonix (luv you all!!!), yang kmaren sempat reunian di kawinannya ari, but nanti deh, ulasan lengkapnya plus poto-potonya.
last,, dis is iqko just release for this week
Rivermaya - You'll Be Safe Here
Akon feat. Eminem - Smack That
The Wreckers - Leave The Pieces
Sugarcult - Do It Alone
Astrid - Jadikan Aku Yang Kedua
Eric - Hanya Bermodalkan Cinta
Penelope Jones feat. Mya - No Matter What They Say
Fall Out Boy - So Sick
Channel - Tentang Kita
Rascal Flatts – What Hurts Most
oke deh, must sign off now (kok gaya tulisan saya, kayak lagi siaran yah??), tenang ajah, skarang lagi main di studio sendiri, but i must go now, happy nice weekend epribodi!!!

i'm the man

pilih salah satu jawabannya yah,, (only male please...)

1. enaknya milih ke mana kalo weekend?
a. ke salon langganan dong, buat creambath, menicure plus pedicure
b. jalan ke toko buku langganan, cari buku terbuku, plus nongkrong di coffe shop

2. mengenai wanita, kamu lebih condong kepada:
a. selalu ingin didekati dan berada di tengah-tengah mereka
b. sangat menghormati mereka, tetapi untuk sahabat, tetap memilih pria

3. yang menjadi pokok persoalan di pikiran kamu apa sih?
a. mmm, masalah kalori yang masuk ke tubuh itu bisa jadi beban pikiran
b. masalah lingkungan dan orang-orang yang ada di sekitar

4. money, money, and money, what do you choose?
a. habis buat perawatan kulit, beli baju yang mendukung penampilan
b. buat investasi bisnis lah,

5. your icon
a. david beckham
b. bono U2

yups, pertanyaannya udah, skarang mari kita membahasnya. kalau misalnya kamu memilih jawaban dominan di a, selamat, anda sejenis dengan david beckham sebagai pria metroseksual abad ini, sedangkan kalo kamu setuju dengan bono U2, pilihannya kamu adalah pria UBERSEKSUAL. hmm, napa di capslock kata uberseksualnya? sebenarnya kata ini udah lama banget saya liat, dari list friend di friendster yang kemudian saya berpikir,
"ini istilah apaan lagi nih? orang addict terhadap seks?", pikirku kala itu
dan ternyata istilah ini kudapatkan lagi beberapa hari yang lalu, sewaktu nyari bahan siaran internet. saya pun jadi bertanya-tanya, kalo saya masuk di mana? metroseksual ato uberseksual yah? soalnya ini yah menyangkut eksistensi diri (caelah, istilahnya). dan setelah mencoba berpikir, dan menelaah serta mencoba jujur kepada diri sendiri, tetap stuck! kayaknya saya condong ke arah uberseksual,, hehehehe. karena pelan-pelan pola pikir saya yang sedikit berubah menjadi dewasa. nilai metroseksual saya akui masih sedikit meracuni saya, seperti condong ingin berpenampilan yang terbaik, tapi hey, bukankah tampil rapi yang wajar itu biasa saja? toh ada norma-norma kewajaran kalau mau ke kampus misalnya, trus masalah kejadian di sekitar, sudah sedikit concern juga, buat memikirkan sebenaranya ada masalah! yang terjadi di sekitar kita, dan i'm gonna try to fix it, walaupun cuma hal yang kecil saja. yah sekedar untuk merubah konsep dunia ini. karena bagaimana pun saya tidak ingin terjebak dalam tatanan metroseksual ataupun uberseksual, tapi inilah saya!!!

kalau mau melihat perbedaan antara metroseksual dan uberseksual lebih lanjut yaitu,

Gairah
- Uberseksual lebih bergairah pada masalah bisnis, politik dan dunia
- Metroseksual lebih bergairah pada masalah diri sendiri serta penamplan dan gaya rambut mereka.

Gender
- Uberseksual sangat menghormati wanita, tapi memilih pria sebagai sahabat terbaiknya.
- Metroseksual selalu ingin didekati wanita dan berada di antara mereka.

Sumber inspirasi
- Uberseksual mengikuti pengalaman dan sebab musabab serta alasan-alasan.
- Metroseksual terinspirasi oleh berbagai produk dan penampilan model-model terkenal.

Prioritas
- Uberseksual sangat peduli pada masalah di lingkungan sekitarnya.
- Metroseksual peduli pada masalah berapa kalori yang diserapnya setiap hari.

Tingkat emosi
- Uberseksual secara emosional selalu terbuka dan tersedia.
- Metroseksual secara emosi kosong.

Uang
- Uberseksual menginvestasikan uangnya untuk strategi bisnis selanjutnya.
- Metroseksual menginvestasikan uang untuk perawatan kulitnya.

Obsesi
- Uberseksual terobsesi pada kualitas dan integritas.
- Metroseksual terobesesi pada masalah dandanannya.

jadi, kamu sendiri milih yang mana?

inspirasi : sehabis membaca ini.

save me please

mengapa?
entahlah, saya juga tidak tahu.
mengapa minggu ini terasa sangat berat
konfrontasi dengan bapak
maaf kalau ada kata yang kurang berkenan
tapi kami bukan anak kecil lagi
kangen sama mama
maaf kalau saya sudah kurang sopan
tapi begitulah adanya saya
muak dengan pekerjaan
maaf kalau berkata terus terang
tapi inilah yang ada di pikiran
capek dengan kata dan jenis teman
maaf kalau saya tidak bisa mengerti kalian
tapi bisa bagaimana lagi saya
bosan dengan kuliah
maaf disaat niat sudah dibenarkan
tapi mengapa yang terjadi justru sebaliknya

apakah ini keluhan?
entahlah
saya juga tidak mengerti
tapi rasanya
sekarang, beban di pundak semakin memberat
sudah berusaha saya kurangi dengan berjalan di malam hari
tetap saja gelap dan suram
apakah ini ratapan
entahlah
saya juga tidak mau membenarkannya
sekarang, labirin di depan mata
dan saya tidak dapat menemukan jalan keluarnya
dark
save me from this situation please,,,


----------------------------------------------------------------

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

Mad World - Gary Jules

untitled,,

kring,,,
"Halo, Assalamu Alaikum"
"Waalaikum salam"
"Lagi dimana?"
"Lagi di rumah, mau ke kampus. Ada yang bisa saya bantu?"
"Qko'... sori..."
"Hey, buat apa kamu meminta maaf? Toh, perasaan tidak ada yang perlu dimaafkan?"
"Bisakah kau berhenti bertingkah seolah-olah tidak ada yang terjadi"
"Memangnya saya bisa bilang apa lagi? Saya juga bingung harus bersikap bagaimana"
"Tolong maafkan saya"
"Nggak, tidak ada yang mesti dimaafkan dari kamu. Mestinya saya yang meminta maaf sama kamu. Saya tidak bisa menjadi seseorang yang sempurna untuk kamu"
"Tapi kamu gak kurang satu apapun..."
"Walaupun kamu bilang begitu, toh disinilah kita sekarang. Berada di sisi dunia yang berlainan"
"Aku punya penjelasaanya, Qko..."
"Nope, skali lagi, tidak ada yang harus di jelaskan. Aku juga sudah melihatnya kok. Kalau memang dia yang kau pilih, it's okay. Berarti memang saya yang belum bisa menjadi seseorang yang kamu harapkan."
"..."
"Skali lagi saya minta maaf. Sekarang sudah tidak ada lagi kita. Yang ada cuma saya dan kamu. Saya bisa apa lagi? Kan sudah ada dia yang bersama kamu sekarang."
"Jadi apa yang harus saya lakukan?"
"Yah, sudah saatnya kamu melanjutkan hidup kamu lagi. Dan saya juga melanjutkan hidup saya. Hey, Life's still running. Bukankah masih banyak mimpi kamu yang ingin di wujudkan. Masih ingatkan dengan semua resolusi kamu tahun ini?"
"Qko, plis stop remembering me with all thestupid thing!"
"Loh, trus kamu mau buat apa? Toh, walaupun saya sudah tidak bisa menopang kamu lagi, setidaknya kamu kan sudah memilih seseorang untuk menggantikan saya. Maaf, kalau saya memang kamu anggap sudah tidak bisa mengerti kamu lagi. Karena memang, kamu yang lebih memilih dia, itu yang tidak aku mengerti."
"Trus kamu sendiri?"
"Terima kasih sudah mau mengkhawatirkan saya. Masih ingat kan saya adalah tipe manusia yang akan terus berjalan menentang sang matahari. Tenang saja saya baik-baik saja kok. Terima kasih sudah menjadi tempat berbagi saya selama ini. Bersama kamu semuanya rasanya bisa saya hadapi."
"Kamu mesti marah sama saya, Qko, Telah jalan bersama dia.."
"Kalau misalnya saya marah sama kamu, apakah akan menjamin saya menjadi lebih enakan? Nggak. Apakah dengan marah sama kamu, semuanya akan kembali? Nggak. Saya tidak ingin meninggalkan sebuah pengalaman yang buruk buat kamu. Bukankah selama ini, semuanya terasa manis ketika saya dan kamu bersama? Maaf yah, saya belum bisa hadir di semua ksesempatan yang kamu inginkan. Mungkin nanti dia bisa memahami kamu seutuhnya.."
"..."
"Sekarang, bisakah saya minta tolong kepada kamu untuk terakhir kalinya. Tolong hentikan percakapan ini. Saya masih mempunyai banyak hal yang membutuhkan konsentrasi penuh, dan saya tidak ingin merusak semuanya hanya untuk mengingatmu. Karena kamu yang menghubungi saya, tidak pantas bila saya yang menutup telpon kamu. Jadi, selamat pagi, dan kalau misalnya nanti kita bertemu, anggaplah kita tidak saling kenal satu sama lain."
“Baiklah,, terima kasih.”
Klik.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

(Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks)

Stanley Clarke Steals My Time...

Site or Gossip?

In sad news, my mom's Uncle Gene passed away this week due to complications from pulmonary hypertension. The SA crew went up to St. Louis this weekend for the funeral, and we here at the Boston contingent wish everyone down there the best. Uncle Gene was, like the entire St. Louis contingent of our family, a great guy.

I guess it's largely lame of me to give such a hot running leadup to school and then to drop off the face once it began. So here's the week-late report, and it comes with some bonus news that largely affects the economic status / daily caloric intake of your humble narrator.

The second half of Labor Day weekend was not quite as explosively awesome as the first half, though it's a bit hazy now - Beck worked and/or got called in last Sunday afternoon, so I watched Citizen Hearst twice, once for real and once accompanied by the Roger Ebert commentary - review is in the to-do-queue, so you'll just have to hold your breath for whatever I have to add to the 5,000,000 articles on the AFI's #1 Film. I then sucked it up and prepared for my Tuesday morning class - some devil of mistimed appointments decided to put my Statistics class in the slot that puts it starting at 8 AM on 3 days out of the week, which means I have to lively up myself even more than you would think in order to get teenagers excited about stats. Wahoo - let's hear it for added hurdles. No problem, got everything ready for Tuesday morning...

No real excitement here. My class has 9 (then 8, then 7, now back up to 9 ) students, all female, rendering all sports-allusions obsolete, and before you get all bra-burning on me just trust that actually, the fact that these are Nutters pretty much renders sports metaphors Sanskrit, what with the multiple hours per day devoted to the Arts and none devoted to the SpArts. So it goes - wouldn't be such a big deal, except every stat in the book is oriented around baseball teams' salaries or whathaveyou. Hurdles, yay! Anyways, the class, currently and hopefully permanently set at Paula, Jenny, Vicky, Sooji, Danielle, Sarah, Ellie, Christine and Noel, is a very nice if not thoroughly talkative at 8 AM one - but everything has been relatively amicable thus far, and everything has also been thoroughly devoid of math-like work, which may or may not be correlated to the relative amiable personalities of said Walnuts. We shall see - actually, the biggest challenge right now is not boring people have to death with vocabulary, which hopefully I have accomplished to a reasonable degree.

Quick Note: Amiable and Amicable. The Sea, it appears, is meaningless.

So, um, that's about it schoolwise for the Stats class. One class a day every day last week, so I gave some extra help and attended meetings and assemblies and advised and otherwise found myself feeling pointless. And to twist the knife - one of my advisees did not work out - I'll leave that up there cryptically so as to protect the sacred advisor-ee trust - another one is swamped in his own personality, and my Bio class from next semester got thrown curiously up in the air - I may be teaching another math section next semester in its stead. So in the bonus news department - I just had an Alg. II section added to my schedule this morning, so now I've got two classes this semester and (hopefully, I've learned to trust nothing as guaranteed in this cold indifferent lifescape) still two classes next semester. Bonzai! Actually, it should be cool; I've got some students in the new class whom I know from Win's class last year, so that will be fun. And also good, because now I've got twice as much work to do on a nightly basis, more outer buzzing to drown out the inner, which has been shown in many a study to be just as effective as exercising for 30 minutes 3 times a week in preventing brain implosions. I.e., a good thing. There ya got it.

Somewhere last week (Wednesday?) Kathy, the science head, took the rest of the science dept. out to lunch at Minado, super duper Japanese / Chinese food buffet place in Natick that is seriously yummy but assaults will power and waistlines with equal abandon. Other culinary insanity from the previous 8 days... Beck and I hit up the S&S on labor Day in fear of that being its closing day, but found out it was the 30th day of hath September, so we have three more weeks to get our fat on. In battling down the fat-asses, we spent part of Saturday going on a jog up to S&S and then walking the 2.3 miles home. Awesome - it's like sitting still, without the danger of pulmonary embolism! But seriously, it was good to get out and enjoy the sunshine whilst dodging shoulderward drifting drivers of Providence Rd. Living in the super-suburbs, gliding down 122 without a non-car-collision-related concern in the world...

In other terrible news, Beck saw a neighborhood dog run over by a car two feet in front of her. The poor guy (a very small 10 lbs. white dog) had crossed the street to say hi to S&W, and then his 12 year old girl caregiver had called to him so he tried to run back to her... the car literally rolled straight over him. Just terrible, sad - an older lady was nice enough to stop and offer to drive everyone to Tufts, but the dog wasn't going to make it anyways. Score one for the good in people - but predictably, score one also for the bad side, as the driver who hit the dog just kept on driving without pause. The debate rages on...

Getting back to happier themes, we went out to Bollywood Friday night with Ali-Ben and the newest set of applicants for "cool enough to hang with us" status, Sarah and Kristof. (Incidentally, recent applicants iPMM and iPJ passed their Sunday brunch audition color-flyingly but were ultimately DQ'd for their non-South-Grafton-residence as well as what can only be deemed "the greatest synthetic HGH doping scandal to rock the iWorld"). They (Sarah and Kristof, not the iParents) may or may not have passed; there's a committee meeting later this week where we will likely table the discussion indefinitely. In honesty though, they were fun and we had a good time. Highlights included Beck speaking of nothing but death for the first 10 minutes, Ali's official crowning and more importantly nicknaming of PGOAT, Ben turning various shades of purple as Ali questioned loudly why was there a Reservation in Grafton when she had never seen an Indian (Native American) there... and loads more of the usual banter that tends to get people thrown out of upscale joints, a veritable scat session of razor-witted jokes involving all damning topics up to and including pedanecrophilia. In related news, Kristof is a lawyer who claims he only occasionally uses his powers for evil - he's an environmental lawyer working for the black-wearing bad guys, i.e. The Man. I shake my fist with appropriate fury. Sarah, lest it go unmentioned, is a fellow vet-to-be, though she's pathology-focused and not really into the whole first-person curing experience. They met and have dated since they were 14. Like Romeo and Juliet, only minus the antibiotics, plus the 77 year life expectancy. Anyways... good times, indeed.

This weekend, jogs for ice cream aside, featured a lot of reading and football and movies and Lost. A good relative break and recharge for this week. I've clearly grown bored with the account - but it was, trust, a good weekend. Reviews to come, at some point. I now, thanks to structure, have quizzes to right and lessons to plan. I unleash myself on the world with quivering feet...

Labor Day Weekend, Pt. 1

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Labor Day Weekend is right about half over so here comes the CBS Halftime Report - and an exciting first half it's been, including stolen cars, placement tests, disembodied voices, wrong turns, weddings, Dewar's, assemblies, full-time employment, brunches, PGOATS, coupons, farmstands and more. In fact, more poetic accounts would end there, inviting you to infect the happenings with your own imagination and create, create, create... but given that your versions might end in Nuts with hangovers, we'll give the more traditional Aristotelian take:

Saturday morning, I awoke from slumber, yawned and spread my arms appropriately, dived into a bowl of cheerios (in a metaphorical and not "oh no he's shrunk to four inches" manner) and then went to walk the dogs when lo, it became apparent to my traditional five pronged sense attack on the world that ye old Honda was not in the driveway. There are all kinds of interesting philosophical discussions to be had on the actual phenomenological process involved in coming to a place and finding something *not* to be there, for example do you have an internal list of objects that should be there and after ticking them off one by one, did the car not have its tick, or do you have internalized reality states with which you perform some kind of "Guess What's Different Between These Pictures" game like you were an annoyed dentist office appointee reading Highlights, but given the size of the car and its notable absence I think we'll relate it to an automatic "Huh?" that emanated from my brain and mouth. I quickly guessed that it had been Becked and not stolen, which was not the biggest deal ever except that all of my school stuff was in the backseat - argh. Fear not, gentle reader, nothing came of it - I took the '92 Subaru:



(but please imagine it as metallic baby blue with absolutely no rust on its sides) all the way into Natick without incident. Without my math supplies, of course, I was unable to prepare lessons for next week forced to read my new ridiculous, probably-designed-to-impress-onlookers endeavor, Remembrance of Things Past. This perplexed more than a few Nuts, as they had already comfortably categorized me as Math-Science guy and therefore incapable of understanding the mysterious "right brainedness" with which they so adequately labeled themselves, probably leading them to believe that maybe I did have some inkling of insight into their interiors, maybe this Positivistic Pretense of my Profession was just something to put them at ease as I infiltrated their puerilely pure minds, and this entire episode of category evasion just rendered me a big, scary thing. SO, in short, they started throwing tomatoes at me, screaming "get behind me Satan!" and the like as I protested that it was Proust, not Faust, to no avail. I blame the entire episode and all forthcoming outcomes squarely on Beck the Civic Stealer, and I hope she is, in the end, happy that she has ruined my life at the Nut. Not really.

SO we conducted the Placement tests to many a groan, but students performed relatively well. On my end, I graded probably 50 to 60 multiple choice tests in the span of an hour, and just to prove it I'll report that

BBCBEACBAAEABEADCAACEAAABABDCCBBDCABDCAEDBCABBCCDA

was the order of the answers of the fifty questions because after you check 50 to 60 tests, the patterns stick with you whether you want them to or not. My duty done, I took the Subaru back home and got ready for the wedding of Mara, a friend of IPJ, IPMM and the Beck, at which I knew no one. The drive there gave an exciting prelude, as the disembodied voice of a GPS system led us repeatedly astray en route, at one point even directing us, literally, in a big circle. I personally was unaware that unconscious computer systems cracked jokes, but I had the experience yesterday. Eventually the Iron Fist went flying and we stopped for directions... and conveniently enough, we rolled up to the Pierce House shortly thereafter. It was a lovely wedding, and despite the impending hurricane that threatened the outdoor ceremony, we survived without rain and just a small amount of frigid discomfort. New England in September, who knew? The ceremony really was lovely as rituals go, with some nice and atypical things said - the wars taking place in the world were mentioned, a nice poem about the sacred nature of the secrets that still exist between a married couple and an excerpt from Toni Morrison's Jazz that really bordered on erotic, but definitely spiced (channeled) things up a bit. The ceremony took place in a setting that strongly resembles the one where Beck and mine will take place (hopefully minus the hurricane) up in Geneseo, and similarly we only had to walk to an old mansion of a home for the reception which is a great feature. Nice home, nice hors d'oeuvres, nice bar with Dewar's and man, the Dewar's and Coke make for a tasty wedding-time beverage, if you were wondering. Live band who were great if a little loud and their takes on standards and classics were a lot better than their takes on things like B-52 songs - shmaltz does, as it turns out, have a threshold. So, fun times had by all, and the trip home was a lot less eventful.

Sunday morning was the first Walnut Assembly of the year, where I saw Trig class All-Stars Alanna and Kathi (who had wicked cool summers) before the insanity even started. Also before the insanity, I went from teaching another class to not teaching another class to teaching another class this semester in the span of maybe ten minutes (only later to have the class withdrawn an hour and a half later) - so there seems to be a need and a lack of funds butting heads for something new and different. The assembly itself was great - I introduced myself onstage, mic and all, and did not trip. The students then put on a long, occasionally hilarious set of sketches skewering all things Nutty, which was entertaining, and then I met my advisee group, this time with Marc, another Trig All-Star, also in attendance. Then I drove back through the rain to Westboro(ugh), where we met Ben and Ali and IPJ and IPMM for brunch. Mmmmm, mmmm good. The Ben Ali COmbo were unsurprisingly a hit with the IP's, and among other things we were able to discuss (mysterious booming and ultimately unrevealing-as-to-why voice here) coupons and the fact that Ali's new nickname is PGOAT. And now I think we are more or less contractually obligated to move wherever they do and vice versa after the graduation of the two vet gals. Anyhoo, awesome brunch; the appropriate parties drove Rochesterward and the remaining kiddos piled in the Civic and stopped by a farmstand en route to our Providence Rd. abodes.

So that was the first half - doubtful, as the second half started for me with a nap and now Beck is up at work, that things will be quite as exciting in the second. But I'm going to buck that inclination by starting it with a cinematic classic. Ooh, ooh, they thought, what could it mean?

Well, I don't know, Bobo!!!!!!

warnet geblek

slamat hari minggu semuanya,,, maap gak ada kunjungan ke blog-blog anda skalian, karena skarang saya ada di warnet-yang gak jelas banget!!!- bwat mengirim tugas komunikasi massa yang emang mesti di send via e-mail. karena untuk main gratisan, saya mesti ke kampus, dan menempuh jarak kurang lebih 25 km, maka saya putuskan untuk nyari warnet di sekitaran cendrawasih saja,, dan disinilah saya skarang!!! sedang brusaha menunggui tu file di attach dulu-yang naujubileh lamanya!!!- baru bisa dikirim. saya juga baru tau, ternyata di makassar ini masih ada yang make monitor 14 inch yah, dan komputer yang saya pake skarang, keadaanya lumayan meyedihkan. meja komputernya goyang!! begh, berasa mo jatuh tu monitor, trus keadaan keyboardnya pun hilang dua tombolnya, alt dan windows, ckckckckck, gak ada pemeliharaan alat emangnya yah disini?? trus,, komputernya pun gak memadai bwat pake flash disc!! otomatis tempat saya mesti di sign out semua dan pindah ke kompie lain,, ckckckkck. sudahlah saya tidak ingin menghujat tempat ini lagi, karena bagaimana pun juga disinilah saya memposting tugas saya, dan ternyata saya mengetahui kenyataan lain,, ternyata memang beda rasanya kalo main gratisan ama mesti mbayar yah??

apa sih genre musik kamu?

wholla!!! masalah musik lagi? maaf saja yah, tapi inilah salah satu poin penting dalam hidupku. dan kalau misalnya banyak skali hal mengenai musik yang kemudian ada di blog ini, well op corse, this is my blog!!!
minggu lalu saya sempat berduet mau sama fajar di acara campus net. dua jam ngobrol ngalur ngidul. dia di mik 2 dan saya di mik 1 plus di mixer dan mengendalikan lagu-lagu yang terputar selama kami siaran. rasanya lagu-lagu yang saya putar itu, normal-normal saja kok, tapi tiba-tiba dia kemudian berstatement,
"wah genre musik kita emang beda yah."
saya katanya suka lagu yang ajub-ajub (pas lagunya teriyaki boyz - tokyo drift terputar), trus saya juga suka vokal cewek (pas avril lavigne - knockin' on heavens door terputar), masa sih?? mmm,, padahal rasanya saya memutar lagu-lagu yang enak aja di denger pas siang hari.
di lain hari saya juga kemudian bertransaksi sama mario a.k.a nunu, lagu-lagu yang ada di mp3 player kami. pas dia ngeliat semua list lagu saya waktu itu, dia kemudian bilang,
"kamu lagi mellow yah, minggu ini??", ah skali lagi, masa sih?
segampang itukah mood saya terbaca? prasaan lagu-lagu saya lumayan beragam tuh. tapi memang saya akui, dalam pemilihan lagu-lagu yang berhak untuk masuk di mp3 kuw yaitu memang lagu-lagu yang ingin saya dengar. dan kayaknya memang selera saya tuh, soooooooooo mainstream! hal ini tidak bisa saya pungkiri. semua musik yang saya dengar adalah semua musik yang mainstream atau sering terputar (include my chemical romance, korn, s.o.a.d itu udah mainstream of course!).

dan karena emang basically, orang radio. inilah yang kemudian menginfluence musik or lagu-lagu yang saya dengar. saya diharuskan untuk mendengar semua jenis musik. tidak hanya terpatok pada satu genre ajah. emang sih pertamanya sempat menjadi penganut hip hop blink blink, pop mellow, dan raja rock track ketika masih siaran di radio--kau tahu apa dan dimana--yang satu itu, saya kemudian ditegur sama teman,
"kamu gak boleh gitu. belum tentu pendengar suka dengan apa yang kamu suka. bukan mau kamu yang di denger, tapi maunya pendengar. jadi putar semua jenis musik".
nah mulai dari situ, semua lagu di dengar deh. mulai dari airplay, boyband, mellow, jazzy, sampe lagu setan dan cadas pokoknya saya akan terus mencari lagu yang dulunya pasti saya akan bilang, duh reza banget!!! apalagi avril lavigne, this girl can make me crazy with her song!!! semua lagunya bisa diputar anytime,,,

so.. kalo emang dengerin mp3 ku suatu saat nanti, pasti berasa denger radio tanpa penyiar. ya iya lah,, penyiarnya kan saya!! hehehehe,, narsis!!!

A Swift Kickback to the Nut

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The calendar page turned, we all collectively aged another day. The types of indisputable facts that make for rock-solid writing of not-the-necessarily entertaining kind. But, as they say, we don't just don't write to entertain; we leave that to the BeeGees. I also, notably, do not just talk to entertain, a fact that will this Tuesday fall on the collective heads of the Statistics-taking Walnuts like a normally distributed bag of bricks. Ouch. That's right, the children are done helping their parents with the harvest and accordingly, school is back in session. The new students arrived yesterday on campus, and though their faces beam with brilliant desire for all things art class, the Nutgeist deflates considerably when terms like "Math Placement Tests" and "Statistics & Probability" work their way into the reality-check vernacular. That's not a complaint, more a statement of fact; and upon further reflection, as my friend Ian once noted, I shouldn't be surprised because, really, school sucks. I say that with sincerity - if the students categorize something as a burden, then a big boring one I hope I will keep it from becoming. All of this, natch, furthering my efforts towards self-effacing good action and enlightenment.

On a total side note, I've been thinking about sincerity, and how it sits at the root of a lot of my struggles. In that I find it very hard to believe that people are really being sincere - my comments on the meta pertaining exactly to this, that how can people be so brain dead enthusiastic about any one thing in light of its place as one idea among many? I don't get it. I don't think I necessarily have a problem with being sincere myself. Wait for it, wait for it... okay, now that everyone has gotten the joke, yeah, I don't buy it always. You know, feel myself smiling and nodding on correct upbeats and calling it the feeling of music when really it's just exact facsimile, Memorex if you will. Take my advisor meetings the past couple of days - sometimes I can't help but think that I am just saying that which is appropriate to be said rather than anything that springs from the eternal well of me. Maybe it's enough that I say all the right things, but it doesn't always feel that way. Meaning - I know the correct thing to do is put parents at ease by saying the proper things, the types of things that put parents at ease - and then so I say them. I have a nagging suspicion that all of this is designed to make my life easier rather than theirs, meaning that I say these things so that they'll go away and leave me alone on schedule. Really I guess I question my own sincerity constantly, sitting as I do in the realm as a script-reader and not an actor. Make sense? I'm trying to convey that sense that I jump into roles readily with the idea of me left behind. The counter being that "me" is just the type of "me" that likes to leave "me" behind; it's just a self-anulling personality trait. A veritable shiny red button. A candy-like button. And having a chameleon-personality is on the one hand hyper lame, on the other hand efficient. And this chameleon knows he's a chameleon, am cognizant of the fact, so much that I answer the charge "just be yourself" with "Which one?" Authenticity and sincerity, it all bogs down into this, and all you armchair behavioral psychologists out there can jump on it and scream something about displacement or externalization, something about thinking that the rest of the world is highly insincere or inauthentic when really, at base, it's the "I" who is all of things. Hmmm... don't know. Still will reflect on this sincerity concept, that most people come at me beaming with it and I just can't stomach it, can't believe that they can't see the box they're filling. Man, the end of this paragraph is echoing as all the audience has by this point, I'm sure, left the room. But it rolls on, regardless. So, the topic was insincerity v. sincerity, and how I find it hard to be really truly sincere when you have any kind of bigger picture in mind. All my statements have goals whether I know them or not, including that one, and that one, and that one...

So what kind of week begets hard examinations of inner sincerity? Orientation Week, of course! Monday, 2-4, was day one, all of us "new" folk arriving at Walnut Hill for the first of three repetitions of welcome to Walnut Hill speeches (though, to be fair, at that point it wasn't a repetition yet). There are 7 total new staff / faculty of which 3 are actually new; Ellie is an art history / English teacher who is basically in the same boat that I was last year and is now teaching 3 courses, and Jon is the full-time math teacher who replaced my bud Win (who left for NYC to pursue his opera career and, a moment of reflection here - I'm gonna miss Win, he was a great part of last year, just conversations and having another sports-abled dude around). Jon's a good guy; a fellow Anth / Philosophy type who likes to teach math. Tereza is another new-but-not new; she is the head of the Fitness Center and teaches health courses as well. The other characters include Meredith, the new Learning Resources Specialist (she replaces the wonderful Fran, who was my main contact and good friend last year and has moved to NYC to be closer to family) who I'll be working with on the tutoring end, and Antonio, the new Spanish teacher (which means that Wendy, another dear friend and sharer of laughs in the faculty lounge, will not be here either - boo-urns to the max) who is an interesting dude as humans go - he owned his own factory supply company for 20 years, is originally from Spain and does crazy ass Spanish stuff like fight bulls and poo-poo our cuisine. Just kidding; he really is a cool kid. As 40 some odd year old kids go. Evan, the new music director, rounds out the group, and seems like a good guy as well.

So the people are great, and Monday naturally consisted of ice-breaking games and revealing of our innermost hopes and fears. I then found out that Corin, another teacher in the Math / Science depts., is my "mentor" for the year. The prospects of ninja training, however, remain non-existent. But she rescued me from the meeting, so that's awesome. We goofed awhile and then headed up to the dean's house for a welcome back dinner - good times, and got to see the other returning faculty, Ben and Annes and etc. Tuesday featured the return of the entire faculty and a long morning faculty meeting, where we heard rep #2, and then Convocation, rep #3. So we were by that point thoroughly welcomed back and reoriented, plus we had heard the same bad Red Sox joke 3 times. Huzzah. Dept. meetings in the afternoon, good times, and back to home. Wednesday, oh Wednesday, was 6 hours of corporate-esque team building activity where we extensively defined terms and offered no solutions to real world problems. Awesome! On the plus side, that silly day ended with a fun softball game and a delicious barbecue at the dean's house. Thursday the new students rolled in, so we had tea and meetings with the parents, and then this morning (Friday) we had the first Assembly plus meetings with our advisees - I've got 6 all of whom remain well-adjusted thus far, but we'll see once school starts how intact their cerebra remain.

Other exciting features of the week that kinda was - I lifted weights twice and ran or ellipted at least 3 miles every day, 5 days in a row, without my foot exploding. Excellent. On Wednesday I called into 96.9, the first time to my knowledge my voice has been broadcast over radio airwaves, to contest the host's notion that 9/11 was a more important historical event than Pearl Harbor, and 'twas an interesting experience. I basically got two ideas across, one that the magnitude of WWII dwarfs that of "WW III" thus far to such an extent that the comparison is a tad absurd, and two, that given that the war for by America thus far has been one fought with professional rather than conscripted soldiers, and the level of disruption of our lives is also orders of magnitude difference. He more or less hung up on me without counter argument after that, other than a quick babble about the 3000 who died on 9/11 and the everywhere-potential danger of this was, like the nightclub bombings in Bali. And the fact that WMD's are now in the equation, blah blah blah. He seemed to be speculating on some outcome of 9/11 that hasn't occurred yet, in which case I wondered (after he hung up on me, natch) whether it's really the Cuban Missile Crisis is the the thing that's biggest of all, since we are apparently only concerned about potentialities and not actualities.

Several things struck me about the experience - one, it's a conservative talk show, and despite all my best efforts to remain open-minded, I do get an impression that the host is trying to generate the hysteria of "holy shit, this is the worst thing ever!" rather than any kind of detached view of that which is going on. Two, I realized that beyond being conservative, for whatever that label is work, that the radio talk show format is not something that lends itself to debate - the fact that I wasn't about to spout in the same soundbyte medium that the news thrives upon these days, some kind of catchy, singular and non-elaborated point, made me a non-viable candidate for extended interview. Bummer. But I also wonder how much of it is anti-intellectualism - that any reasonable, thoughtful debate is just incompatible with the station's concept of their listeners. I don't know, but it was thing seventeen that left me feeling alienated by the contemporary conversation. Anyhoo...

Oh, Friday night the IPMM and IPJ rolled into WOOSTA! (I got you all in check) and took us out to an excellent dinner at Willy's Steak House, where I had my first Beef Wellington which I enjoyed insanely much. Lots of good food, drinks and conversation, including an extended riff on "is it possible to be original, or at least innovative, or is everyone's thoughts and actions a "product of their times?" The extended ideas being whether you are therefore entrapped by your time and place and/or is it really that the populace at large, the "times," serve as a filter, so that non "with the times" work / concepts don't make it off the production floor. And then I started blah-blahing about how too broad a definition of "defined by the times" renders the whole discussion ridiculous, that of course at some level you are always extending what has gone on before or rebelling against it, or in several cases just responding to problems with solutions. I don't know if there's any kind of real endpoint to the argument, other than to say in these (post)modern times, when opinions are so thoroughly fractionated and springing up from every conceivable corner, that our response is to say (rather circularly, I think) that the times themselves are fractionated - could it not be that the independent voice, its ability to pierce through the populace in the form of, say, an internet blog, has gotten to the point where it has transcended the confines of the times? I guess I take umbrage with the idea that the non-dictated-ness of my thoughts is itself dictated, as though there were no escape from influences, that nothing exists independently outside. I guess I think it's a silly lexical trap. We are all, in actuality, independent.

I'm Nyet!