(Turn the) Amp Higher Weekend!

Beck took off after work on Friday evening to go camping in a gigantic hole in the ground somewhere north-ish of here. Which left me to my own devices, namely a Tradition Strat and a Peavey Amp. The neighbors got a heady dose of some Sweet Leaf, yes they did!!! Besides an undue amount of evening guitar wankery, I've also enlightened the nearby folks with a great selection of high-graded albums (85 and above). Here's a quick peak at some of the tunes that have been emanating from the apartment at solid but respectful volumes:

Television - Marquee Moon
Talking Heads - Fear of Music
Sleater Kinney - One Beat
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Dismemberment Plan - Is Terrified
The Police - Outlandos D'Amour

Good times, and nary a Simon-Garfunkel composition to be heard! When the cat's away, you know. Speaking of Mr. Simon, check out this tale from Los Lobos. But wait, I thought Paul Simon was a super great guy! Didn't he save 9/11 or something? Yikes. Actually, without hearing Simon's side, I guess judgment should stay reserved, but damn, if that's close to what went down, it's like when I came back to bed someone's taken my song. No good.

So besides watching copious amounts of baseball and basketball the last couple of days, I made it down to Dan and Christina's yesterday. We drove around the corner to a park behind their house - Dan dubbed it "Baja del Casa," which reminded me a lot of this:

Nice little wooded park with a short 9 hole disc golf course. And before you accuse me of redundancy, take a look at yourself - the course was physically short, in that most of the holes were about 200 feet or so. The holes were all lined with short, dense trees, and so a smart person would have used rollers or thrown low line drives. Which we did for the most part, but I did manage to launch one straight into a kite-eating tree and the disc was lodged. That didn't stop me from getting my idiot on and throwing two more discs into the tree after it - egad. Luckily, Xtina aka "Brass Monkey" climbed the tree and got everything except the original disc down. It's pretty much a given at this point that I lose a disc every time I go out. I guess I just have to accept that, like greens fees or something. Sigh.

Anyways, good times - Dan and I disc golfed while Christina "Rice golfed," which means whacking a tennis ball with a real life actual golf club. At one point Christina asked if she should shoot for the basket or just the pole; Dan replied that at Baja del Casa, there are no rules. I'm pretty sure that Dan inadvertently just declared himself Native American and opened a casino there. SO a lot of fun, and we even brought Elliot along - he learned the joys of lapping water from an upside down frisbee. And then we watched a hyper-competitive whiffle ball game. Yeah.

Headed back to D&C's to eat some pizza (Linner!) and catch the end of the Dbacks game. Then Christina showed us what was what on Guitar Hero (though I'm pretty sure that Dan won points for setting the new high score on "Cherub Rock" and I won a few for Axling and Slashing on Welcome to the Jungle. I basically have one talent). They had a party to attend in the evening, so I headed home and watch the Pistons win and SA get crushed before heading to be early-ish (about 10:30).

Woke up in the middle of the night dying of thirst - I blame "Dan and the Last Piece of Pizza," a tale wrought upon me by Danimal that, yes, insisted upon itself. And in my 4 am stupor I ran into the ironing board that someone, let's call her "Beck," left out in the living room. And the iron fell off the ironing board and onto my foot. And there was much rejoicing cursing! If I had been in the South, I would have said "'Ch!!!!" Seriously, I'm pretty lucky, what with the darkness and all, that I didn't break my foot. I responded to my attacker by thumping the ironing board with my fist - the lock on the board has long been broken, so instead of collapsing like a normal board, the high quality metal legs bent. Argh. So my errand list for the morning grew one item longer.

Fortunately I live in the 21st century and the land of infinite commerce. So when I woke up at 5:45 AM - am I still on East Coast time? - I went to the Fry's To The Right. And bought a new board - at 6 in the mo'n! Six in the m'on! Wow, the triumphant feeling of carrying a large board around an empty AM store. I was so buzzed I didn't even yell at the lady when she lied and told me I had saved four dollars.*

* - Serious pet peeve - liars at the grocery store. "By using your card, you saved four dollars." No, I saved zero; you merely didn't overcharge me by four dollars. Or you didn't overcharge me by x+4 dollars, because I'm pretty sure the 74 cents of materials and the 27 cents of malaysian labor that went into this ironing board do not warrant its 15 dollar price. Regardless, I'm not saving anything, and worse, you are using me as a marketing data whore and not compensating me. These freaking "VIP" cards - systemic and fraudulent! This is a topic for another post - but a certain friend of mine is piggybacking a business plan on these cards! Ayee! I am torn between support for my friend and hatred for the system. The road to Orwellian nightmare is paved with grocery store VIP cards; that's all I'm saying. Grin while you comment.

So now I'm back at home, ironing board in locked and upright position in the closet, awaiting the start of a 9:30 AM basketball game and the return of my beck later today. Ultimate later perhaps; there are two tournaments going on this weekend that I had to skip, so there may be a paucity of pickup players. So we'll see if I feel like driving.

Otherwise, here's a classic skit that will get you in the mood for the next post:

Desert Disc Golf! Feel the Drama!!!

Just got home from a quick 18 at the Buffalo Ridge disc golf course - I'll do the full course review thing later, but it's a course through a desert park in north Phoenix. And I zoned in today and shot a -4, 14 pars and 4 birdies. I hit a basket with my first shot on one hole, a near ace! Even better, no lost discs! You are excited, even if you think you're not. If anyone wants to start placing side bets on the showdown between Aaron and me next weekend, it's probably reasonable to conclude that I have now exhausted all of my disc golf luck for the next two years. So bet on the A-Dog.

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Now playing: Nirvana - Very Ape

Syzygy b'twixt Zeus, Ares

Beck and I watched the pretty fluffy but highly entertaining "Word Play" the other night. No review necessary - it's a behind the scene look at how the New York Times Crossword gets created / edited and a mini-documentary of some SERIOUS word-nerds who participate every year in the NYT Xword Puzzle Championship. I mean, yes, there are several levels of dork, and I firmly occupy floor 173, but there is a certain nerd-transcendence achieved when a film shows two crossworders talking about individual words and clues between rounds. Egad. Anyways, good flick, recommend it, if for no other reason because you get to see Jon Stewart talking smack to Shortz and Bill Clinton reveal what he really did with his time in the White House.

Being slaves to all things we see on the magic box in our living room, Beck and I have gotten into crosswords over the past couple of days. In an extraordinarily dangerous trend, we stayed up until 11:45 last night (after watching a reasonably good ep of Lost) trying to cram in the last words to Thursday's puzzle. And egad, man, it turns out you can put MULTIPLE LETTERS in single blanks. This would have been a great thing to know at the start; without it, we kept trying to make "out in the boonies" be the "Styx." What the hey. So now, I too join the masses demanding Will Shortz's head on a stick. I draw the line at obsessing over Sunday morning radio shows, though.

Some news from the Ballad: April broke the record for posts in a month with 36! That brings us to more than 400 posts combined between here and the old blog (on the site which will be getting some new material in the next few days). And since Ben can't read more than two lines of text, the current trend for multiple posts in a day might even continue. And as soon as a couple of people (cough, cough, Aaron, mike NTPB) get their acts together, you'll even get some interesting posts. If you know either of them, harass them over e-mail!

Speaking of the Grin - I left out a nice anecdote from the vacay. When we were lost in the woods, I kept bumping into palm fronds that were overhanging the trail. At some pause in the conversation, I coldly stated, "You know, I've had just about enough of these friggin' fronds!" So Ben picked up a palm frond and says, "oh yeah, buddy, what are you gonna do?" and playfully swung the frond at me. Only the front was full of sand, so I got showered. Ben was highly apologetic. Hilarious. Christophe decided that this was vengeance from some sort of Frond god (who apparently has strong ties to the "Wander after lighthouses" god). I agreed, and pledged never to make fun of fronds again. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that the Grin must be a disciple of Fronds. So if you're ever hiking with that guy, man, do not taunt the fronds. He will sand your ass!

And here are two great pics that Christophe snapped, the first of a sunset on the first evening and the second of the dolphin in the bay that I mentioned. Enjoy:

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Now playing: The New Pornographers - The End Of Medicine

Thank you Mr. Minor... Leaguer

Kerry! (Wood!) Kerry! (Wood!) Where do you go when your left fielder sucks?

So yeah, after watching the Cubs all afternoon yesterday and seeing them build up a 3-1 lead and look like they were going to take the series from the Brewers, everything came crashing down. Wood plunked the first batter in the inning, giving ominous tones of the opening day debacle he worked himself into. "All will be fine," I told myself, especially after Wood got the next batter - Gabe Kapler - to swing idiotically and pop a ball to left field. Now, Sr. Gabe is strong and all, and the ball sailed toward the fence - but COME ON, this was a fly ball, maybe 0.7% more difficult than your everyday can of corn. And who's back in LF for the Schlubs but Mr. Bunny Hop himself, Alfonso Soriano, fresh off the DL from said raising-hare activities. Misses it completely, and now it's 23 0 outs instead of 1 1 out. Kendall then completely dinks a single up the middle and I couldn't watch further; looked at my handy Brookstone score updater (Thanks iPJ) when I got home later and saw that sure enough, Mil 4 Cubs 3.

We're 10 years removed from one of the most memorable days in Cubs fan history, when a decidedly more youthful Wood K'ed 20 Astros including Jeff "Thanks... thanks for everything" Bagwell. That day was crazy - I remember watching it on WGN and talking to my dad right after the last pitch (who, on a complete side note, thinks that Kerry has a brother who plays golf). (:)). There was also the ridiculous 2003 series where Wood was pitching game seven of the NLCS and after breaking everyone's hearts early in the game, breathed life back into Wrigley (albeit short-livedly) by slamming a HR. Wood has a special place in Cubs lore and in your average northsider's heart. Sure, there's a lifetime's worth of "shoulda-coulda" with him, but he's been a lifetime Cub, and the people love him. So it just stinks to have him struggle, but it's 17 million times worse when a total scrub fielder like Soriano directly contributes to those struggles.

So thanks a lot, Mr. 130 million dollars of negative range factor in LF and below league average OBP. You ruined a great game and a great start by another popular Cubbie, Mr. Crazy Z. Did I mention you also went 0-4? Awesome. A wiser blogger might point out that Piniella certainly could have considered some kind of defensive replacement and not left Kerry susceptible to your moronic whims. But I prefer to direct anonymous negative energy in your direction that you will never hear nor care about! Take that!

(And this is clearly a thinly veiled excuse to post this subject title. I can't believe I never noticed that before. Me dumb).
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Now playing: Phish (live) - Harry Hood

Things that need to be invented, part III

Stove tops with motion sensors and timers connected to cut-off switches.

Believe or not twice during the holiday season the Clarion heard stories of stove tops left unattended starting fires. Fortunately, neither of these fires had disasterous consequences. The bearer of one of these tales also came with a suggestion. It sounded like a smart, practical idea to the Clarion.

Here goes, this reader and Illinois resident recommended that stove tops in new homes be installed with a motion sensor connected to a timer and a kill switch. And why not? The Clarion discussed it with our wise, young friend, whose idea it was, and we agreed that you might go away from the oven with it on for a very long time, deliberately. To put something in the oven and leave for a couple hours is common, but nobody puts something on the stove top for hours and leaves.

From another friend, a recent college graduate, we heard that their old roommate was actually known to come home drunk and wanting to cook. She would start the stove and pass out on a couch or a bed in another room in the middle of the process. She did start a fire once, and it is a small wonder the apartment wasn't burnt to the ground on more than one occasion the way we heard tell.

So why not? Install stoves with a basic motion detector, they are quite reasonable these days. Hook the motion detector to a timer and if the stove top has no one in front of it for more than 20-25 minutes, have it trigger an auto shut off. Sounds easy enough to this liberal arts, non-engineer.

This Worked Last Time

Whatever happened to Nick Nowack and Brian Barenblatt?

Water Waste-atory

Happy May! I hit up the now open disc golf course at Fountain Hills Park yesterday, preparing for the onslaught of my brother the disc golfer next week. If you're interested in the course itself, check it out here: I photo-documented the holes as I've done in the past. It should be clear that the lake / fountain combo is just the epitome of insanity. And the fact that the town is named "Fountain Hills" indicates that this entire thing was planned this way... insert X-files creepiness here. Anyhoo, shot a +3 (damn you wind!) and lost a brand new disc in the lake (damn you water!). My shoulder was a little sore, so I skipped a second round. I'm going to check out another famous course, Buffalo Ridge Park, in the next couple of days, so keep an eye out for that. Oh, and lest I forget, with gigantic fountain-lakes come photo-ops for super cuteness:

Also played a little lunchtime Ultimate with the usual suspects - pretty windy yesterday, so a fair amount of craptitude went down. I did manage to get to a high disc about an instant before Eric yesterday (we came down both holding the disc, and so I mimicked Neil with a "Strip" call). So that's beating Vince deep and semi-skying Eric in the same week! I will surely write that in my diary... er, blog. Eric kindly reminded me of the fifteen times he skyed me in our last game and then smoked me in a post-game 80 yard race in which I had a four yeard head start, so I am adequately humbled.

Otherwise, not a lot - Wrigley "Lazarus" T. Dog is walking around at 100% as though nothing ever happened. SO that's good. I'm currently watching the Cubs on WGN and getting ready to go into work. And also getting ready for the Spurs-Hornets 2nd round matchup!!!

Here are some interesting links to round out an otherwise thoroughly un-inspiring post:

Together again: their life in the ghosts of Bush.
Nice pics of aurora lights from Siberia.
Life in the utterly reasonable Texas Hill Country, courtesy of Hagees.
FANTASTIC, endearing sports story.
Performance art RULES.
Some cool Arizona then and now pics.
Frank, note the potential costs of your helmetless lifestyle.
New rule: I only link to Prada's website when CocoRosie is involved.
Saw this on local news last night: really???!?!

And some vids: first, this star-wars themed song starts of stoopid (oh, no, another fan-song, argh!) and then gets Colt-45 awesome.

Second, this guy is awesome - check out his other "batting stance" collections, too:

Third, get yer weird on:

Later folks. Note also: The Beck is abandoning me this weekend for the Grand Canyon. Use that information as you will.