THE WEEK IN REVIEW
Sorry, just felt a dire need to give my blog a more official feel. SO, what did go on this week? I hardly remember...
On the school front, more fun in the classroom, as the students are gripped in the throes of senioritis and/or bitter laziness. In all seriousness, I think the rigorous performance schedules are getting to them. To which I respond with stories of two-a-days and 108 degree heat, a go-to weapon which no one can defeat. You see, Coach Robbins and Padron, you did make me a MAN - I can face anything, because nothing is *quite* as shitty as the crap you put me through in high school! Thanks for that endearing life lesson. I will now use that en-masculating experience as comedy fodder for the remainder of my days. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's high time I started forcing teenage Jews to say the Lord's Prayer. YEEHA!!! And for the record, I have recently been reflecting upon the logical brilliance of "If it was easy, everyone would do it," which contains not only improper subjunctive grammar from a supposed "educator," but also the false assumption that everyone's dream is to become a high school football player. Nice!
Wow, where did that come from? Maybe I should find someone to talk to about all that pent up rage? Anyways, yeah, the kids are worn out, but they're also alright. This week featured parents getting angry at me for tutoring charges (which turned out to be a billing department gaffe). On Thursday I got OBSERVED by our department head and threw down an A+ style lecture, complete with off-the-cuff quips, brilliant explanations of theoretical aspects of the problems we were doing (ellipse eccentricity, for the record), and even corrected some bad grammar AND some disrespectful behavior from a ballet dancer who shall remain nameless. En fuego I Fue, just like Kobe's 81. So that was very cool and made me feel decent about myself, huzzah. And it only supports the notion that I would be a nice addition to the permanent fulltime staff of Walnut Hill, something that STILL has yet to be set in stone. I think we are T-minus two weeks from the wrath, incidentally. I might have to go all "high school football" on the administration. I will, la-ti-da, run them until they puke.
Kids were great this week, both in he sense of actually working fairly hard and providing me with comedic fuel. That's right, it's time for : REAL. CLASSROOM. DIALOGUES! (Applause).
Day One.
NJ: Does anyone know who created the Cartesian coordinate system?
Students (collectively): ...
NJ: Okay, I wasn't going to give you any homework, but now I would like you to look up the creator of the Cartesian coordinate system AND tell me what his famous philosophical quote was.
Day Two.
NJ: Alright, who can tell me who gave us the Cartesian Coordinate system?
Students (collectively): ...
NJ: No one did the homework?
S1: Was it Darwin?
NJ: Yes, and his famous theory was on survival of the xy-planest. No, it was not Darwin.
Students (collectively): ...
NJ: Anyone? Bueller? [note the cliched go-to joke]
S2, looking at laptop with WiFI access: I think it was Rene Descartes.
NJ: Thank you for doing your work ahead of time. You all get zeroes.
S3, finally piping up: But I did it. I know it was Rene Descartes!
NJ: Okay, what was his famous philosophical saying?
S3: "I think therefore I am."
NJ: Good. So [S3's name] gets credit, and everyone else gets zeroes.
Multiple S's: That's not fair.
NJ: Really? how exactly is that not fair?
S4: I did the homework, I just didn't remember it.
NJ: Hmmmm. Seems to me that would be a difficult thing to prove...
S4: You can't PROVE I didn't do it!
NJ: Let's put it this way - I think you didn't do it - therefore, you didn't do it.
The final line elicited laughs from everyone, ESL or no. My first universally successful joke of the semester, and it's only May! My other mind-bogglingly solid joke from the week -
NJ: [Bob Smith], where is your textbook?
BS: I forgot it. Can you help me with how to do problem 17? I don't remember the formula.
NJ: I gave you guys a handout yesterday with all the formulas you'll need for this section. It also explains step by step how to do problems like that.
BS: Oh, but I don't have it.
NJ: Did you get it yesterday?
BS: Yeah, but I left it at home.
NJ, frustrated, as this is the 17th time Bob Smith has done this: Hrrrrrrrmph. [Waits]
BS: Can you show me how to do the problem?
NJ: Bob, you're frustrating me. I need to tell you something, but I need to make sure it comes out the right way. Hold on.
BS: Okay.
NJ: [waits 30 or so seconds]. Bob?
BS: Yeah?
NJ: Bring your stuff to class.
Nice! And that was by far my best comedic timing of the year. Other funny things happened. And you might never believe me, but it was actually a fairly excellent week education-wise. So good times all around.
First mid-week Roid practice was Thursday, and it went very, very well. I think the new era can be summed up by one event. We were playing 5-pull, a drill where the team splits up into two squads and the loser of the drill has to make up the difference in points with sprints. My team won 5-0, meaning the other team was going to have to run 5 sprints after a hard drill. I didn't say anything, just got on the line with the other team to runt heir sprints with them - and EVERYONE on the TEAM did TOO! Very cool, definitely the best "we're all in this together" moment I've had in a sports environment since days with the Tuftsmen. In all sincerity, something that can be hard to find on the blog these days, it was a sublime moment. I think things could potentially be very cool this year.
Friday night was fun; Beck was dead-tired so i hung out with Ben, ate some pizza and watched Tivo's Daily Shows and Colbert reports. Fun times fun times. FYI, the May 4, 2006 ep of the Daily Show was surreally excellent.
And just so they don't get lost in the mix:
Here is a video of one of the most ridiculous skies I have seen in Ultimate. Please excuse Beau's very Ultimate-esque language.
Here is a skit called "The Evolution of Dance" that is hilarious - please excuse the scantily-clad women ads on the sides.
Have a great week folks. And remember, don't take anything too seriously. TNSLFAFNSA.
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