Sunday, September 30, 2007

Overheard in the Fry's Parking Lot (Plus: A New Devil!)

So, the beck and I went hiking this morning and stopped by Fry's on the way there to grab some bottles of agua. That whole encounter / activity was normal.

Decidedly un-normal - on our way out of the parking lot, at 8:05 am, a nice enough looking stocky white guy with a cellphone earpiece on turns vaguely in our direction (actually in the direction of the people behind us, we quickly figured out) and shouts:

"Remember the Alamo! Kill all the Mexicans!"

Aroo?!!!?!?!?!!

The people behind us were hispanic, maybe native american, but as far as we could tell hadn't done anything to him. He was also exiting a Fry's empty-handed, so maybe a Hispanic person had just beaten him to the last on-sale set of patio furniture, and he was pissed. Regardless, I now have a new entry in my top ten all-time list of Sunday morning racially charged bellows.

And just to round out a weird post, this was overheard in the car on the ride home from said hike (note - picture-post of hike will be posted later):

(On the radio, Black Sabbath's War Pigs is playing, featuring the legendary aggro vocals of one Ozzy Osbourne)
.

Nyet: Beck, I'll give you a hundred points if you can name this artist.
Beck: ACDC? (this is her stock answer).
Nyet: No.
Beck: Hmmmmm... I don't recognize the singer.
Nyet: Hint - there's a music festival named after him.
Beck: Is it Woodstock?

Ladies and gentlemen: Your Prince of Darkness!!!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Scripts!

So one of my jobby jobs at the Tutoring Industries Inc. is to get a handle on and hopefully better organize their SAT program. So I've been doing some extra work reading through the corporate manuals on how to train teachers, recruit clients, talk to parents and the like.

Everything - everything - is scripted.

Down to the letter. In an initial parent conference, for example, there is a highly specified order of talking points, what you are to say when, what their possible objections will be, what you should say in response, and on and on and on. Including verbatim snippets of how you should praise little Timmy.

It's salesmanship = science. And I can't help but read the thing as a boldly dishonest affair, some kind of attempt to turn the experience into a predetermined capsule of outcome (which is obviously, from the salesman's POV, the whole idea; you want that sale to be guaranteed). But regardless of how pure your intentions of improving a student's scores and their chances for college and the cushy capitalist life afterwards, the whole thing is inauthentic, your office is a stage, and you're a player. The parents/kid, of course, are kept as duped as possible so they don't realize your procrustean treatment of their "special, individual" situation. Natch, this is how a franchise operates; everything controlled to maintain a consistent corporate image. But how does anyone spit this stuff out without feeling like a robotic automaton?

It reminds me of med school - I can't even count the times that the sentiment of "be nice to your patients, because if you are nice they won't sue you." The scientific method applied to human interaction finds that decency is not decency but rather efficacy. The non-suits are not a side benefit; they were routinely called as a primary aim! Why be nice to your fellow humans? For your financial security, por supuesto! Doesn't this assume that we are deep down self-interested a-holes who require practical reasons for amiable behavior to transplant any kind of inborn "treat patients nice because they're people!" sentiments? Hmmmm, sitting in a classroomful of future physicians in that particular environment and contemplating their apparent characters, maybe the teachers had it right - teach to the bottom line.

So I'm in a bit of an authenticity whirlpool over this, and trying to give the company the full benefit of the doubt. And I start thinking about scripts, remembering their general application in anthropological type environments. I use pre-planned statements all the time; what is my specific objection here? When I go into a restaurant, I'd better invoke the "get me some pancakes" script, or I'm exiting stackless. A picture to break philo-rant monotony:



(That was, btw, a thinly veiled attempt at interrupting the "Nyet rant script" with something hilariously impromptu. Unless, of course, this script contains the particular stage direction, "something impromptu now.")

So back on topic: a huge range of our daily discourse is at best seemingly original, at worst hopelessly derivative. Even if intentionally try to create a sentence that's never been said before - "The pink giraffe has an awfully tough time determining the proper focus length for the lens of his monocle" - even this is constrained by untold numbers of rules and reasons for word and idea placement. For example, almost all of my original sentences contain the word "pink." And an animal.

So I think, perhaps, that the distaste I have for this behavior is not in the scriptedness in and of itself, as that is something that to a degree permeates all of our existence (not to mention our favorite sit coms). I think the problem is the dishonesty of it - this idea that I'm conversing with you human to human, but really I've got this whole model device that I'm going to try to manipulate the frame of conversation with. Now, anyone entering a sales interaction has to expect this to a degree - in social contract type speech, they know they're entering a sales exchange - but I would put forth that your most distasteful sales experience result from that samesaid dishonesty and the extent to which the salesperson is painting you into a role in a script. I'm thinking unctuous car salesman types here.

All of this gets back to one of my primo favorite themes, that of authenticity. And its possible impossibility - the dire question that seems to recur in my case is "authentic to what?" An arbitrary upbringing, a culturally defined set of values and thoughts? A destiny? I don't know; that whole game has vanished across the horizon in the light of the multitude of world outlooks, a lot of which are equally viable compared to any one you happen to be enacting at this particular moment.

Be yourself. Think for Yourself. Whatever; independence is a mythical ideal. But there are spectra, and this whole cooking recipe for taking people's cash, regardless of how good the intentions are, rings ont eh bad side for me. Business in general, I suppose, seems to be a victimful crime. I can't wrap my head around this well. This is why I fail. But when I look at a script with explicit instructions down to the word and tone of voice for what I say, I think:


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Printer 17, Nyet 1

I just spent some wee hours wrestling with a printer/scanner that I have finally conquered. And now to bed. But YOU are the beneficiary of the fru-its of my labor - the scanner is connected, so I dug through a dress drawer of photos and came up with this, the rarest of rare sightings, the Speckle-bellied Jullietta, circa 1997 or so at what I believe was a post-Women's Football Championship Party:



It's a Nyetverse classic!!!

(Oh, and if you're interested, tonight's Ultimate game won, 15-4. Sense of accomplishment = nil).

(Oh, and something that I just can't let go - you may have seen the OSU coach's wacky post-game "speech" on ESPN. I'm not going to link to it; just too dumb. The newspaper article he was so upset about? That is worth linking, because it is just too dumb. If you have a moment, read that article and answer the simple question, "is this good writing?" Whether sports columnists should be permitted to write articles that amount to calling out "your mom" to college players is up for debate, kinda - it's clearly low level and mean, but being mean seems to be a journalistic trend these days. But writing that poorly is not up for debate - it's a newspaper article, not a middle school cafeteria conversation. Please leave your "word is" and other mal-constructions at home. Barf).

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Post for the Sake of Bump

Or, to get a scantily clad (and deviously unlicensed) nurse off the top of my blog.

I just took a break from intense reading to take the dogs for a walk and post here. I'll be back on American Pastoral in a sec; it really is great, so far especially in the case of narrative structure / framing. A very slick trick he (Roth) pulls off in the first part; I'll let you read it fo' yo'self.

I'm also pondering today's Ultimate game and trying to combat my usual MO, which is to get really hyped up about any athletic contest, no matter how goofy-leagued it may be, and get all wrapped up into it only to suffer the inevitable letdown of Ultimate's less life-affirming qualities. This is probably just symptom A1A of a general tendency to overthink things and otherwise put more import into the everyday than warranted; I am still the same person who has both truly agonized over the number of minutes it was taking me to get home from work in Austin and who once stood in the street outside of a Boston pizza shop debating the merits of the joy a slice of pizza would bring me vis a vis the calories it would imbue my belly with. I am a little stupid in these matters. Okay, a lot.

But I like to instill a lot of effort / thought / import into these games, to the point where I drive down there early, almost unfailingly well before anyone else shows up. To warm up, yes, but more importantly to breathe in the empty field, to view it alone before it becomes trampled upon by a hundred goofballs in cleats. What can I say; I enjoy the solitude, and the silly pre-game banter, and the build-up of anticipation that turns an otherwise forgettable Tuesday night league game into some kind of personal monumental event.

Unfortunately, the games must inevitably start, and as started, must end. (I actually get a tinge of this same sadness when DVD players read 47:03, and the episode, be it Buffy and/or Bullock et al, is coming to a close). And given that these contests are usually NOT the stuff of myth - usually more the war of attrition of unqualified contenders - there's a big fat letdown at the end, a steady sense of "I got all riled up - for that?" You would think I could digest this repeated experience and, as a result, not get into the stupid on-field arguments I have a penchant for. You might also think that the head-banging experience - and I speak of Frank's style of headbanging , not, for example, my own seventh grade one (Pantera rules) - would cause me to drop the ritual altogether, just show up to play and have fun like the rest. Or you might think, what with the holy experience of two destroyed knees and the corresponding plunge in athletic ability, I might have dropped this activity along with my youth some time ago. Why invest so much in something doomed to disappoint, on every level?

It becomes a stupid and generic question, because its model could be brought upon anything in moments of existential despair: why code, why build, why write or do much of anything if the falling short of expectations is to be the only reward noticed. But it gets back to why Ultimate in particular, why anyone's particulars?

I worry a lot, to a stupid degree, that Ultimate serves as this entrenched self-validating mechanism for me. I am, objectively, experienced; I am still reasonably athletic enough to utilize my experience in a way to better opponents. Until, of course, I run into somebody equally experienced and more athletic, in which case it's a crap shoot. I have to fully admit that I revel more in those moments of masturbatory domination over lessers than any kind of relishing the challenge. By every sports cliche, by every moral standard of "the good" in sports, I should be more fixated on meeting my equals and appreciating their bringing out the best in me (and vice versa), but if I'm to be honest, I really just like doing cool stuff with the disc and catching goals over people.

I'm a chump, an insecure, ostentatious dork; I'm the guy who plays the sports video games on the low setting to repeatedly bash-in a stupid computer opponent, all for the glory of the lever-push win-thrill. Wanting respect, craving only that, and continually trying to hide these effects with a happy-g-lucky (when not aggro-competitive) demeanor with teammates. I, in short, play at sport for all the wrong reasons, finding losing unbearable but seeking out the easy-win instead of the challenge.

This is a whole lot of self-criticism and value-laden analysis for the silly act of playing Ultimate in a Tuesday night league; don't allow me to pretend that I'm the only one with this motivation set, or that others out there are not more cowardly than me. If anything, though, this is an honest account, and a good old-fashioned purgatory aim informs this post. I am, I think, too run down and old and too surgeried to pursue the nobler aims of self betterment and victory in competition. I am left with the trickles of past accomplishment and the current days of fun. I suppose in essence I aim to free my sports-playing of the external, judgmental narrative, and wish that I could just do it for "love of the game," whatever inherent joy I feel within it (as though that itself were not an external narrative as well). I wish that I could just do something for the happiness of it - even if that happiness is rather holistically selfishly derived. I am probably exercising my childhood MO, tha tof being my own worst enemy, and truth be told therer are other less centralized aspects of the game that I do if not enjoy: teaching a newbie to throw, complimenting a teammates effort. So, all is not evil in the Ultimate Nyetverse. Still, hopefully this public pondering will get me in a less self-centered mindset for tonight's game. Maybe not. Regardless, it's 2:30, so I'd better head down for my pre-pre-pre game warmup. Not really.

Skates & Snakes (& Skanky Shakes) (Sub-T Homesick Aches) Pt. 2

We slept in on Sunday (by "we" I mean Beck) until 10 and barely roused ourselves enough to head down to DC's for pre-Dbacks game lunch. Where to go, where to go? Dan innocently suggested The Heart Attack Grill, and I, thinking we were in for merely some scrumptious burgers, eagerly agreed. Little did I know that... well, the whole pace is a big farce on the health food craze, and they furthermore play up the hospital angle. So the owner of the joint is dressed up like a doctor, the waitresses are skanked out nurses, and they offer burgers called the single through quadruple bypass, PBR beer, no diet sodas and, if you want, you can buy cigarettes with your meal. If you manage to finish a quadruple bypass, they will wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair. Just like a hospital! Only funnier and sluttier. Just for visual reference, our waitress was Sami, and she was dutifully playing the role of "fantasy nurse:"


Beck made several comments about Miss Sami's stunningly good service, always being out in front of her customers' expectations, and her well-placed stethoscope that day (missing from the picture, but you probably guessed that she had it aseptically stored in her pocket). Dan and I dutifully averted our eyes, being the good protestant boys that we are. The whole thing was a little too surreal for a post-Karaoke Sunday morning, and only got slightly stranger when a 65 year old woman showed up to dine alone. Moxie! Between this and the Ice Pack or whatever the hell the Coyotes Dance team is called from the previous night, I had had enough pseudo-sexy ridiculousness for two days. On to the D-Backs game, where nary a dolled up hussy is employed trying to trade t-shirts for credit card signups. Oh, wait. Anyhoo, we finished our burgers and chips (which were, unsurprisingly, AWESOME), Christina vowed to dedicate her life to protesting the parodying of nurses, sexy or otherwise, and we headed down to the DBacks game. Xtina was primed, rattler in hand:


So she could either cheer on the DBacks or scare the crap out of people in dark desert alleys. Xtina I agreed, too, that the DBacks mascot - some kind of ridiculous aged mountain lion-type thing - would be much better if it were a giant snake that would give kids perma-nightmares. We were ranting on about such thing sbecause despite the fact that it was the last home game of the regular season, despite the fact that the DBacks are in1st and in the middle of a tight pennant race, the place was as dead as can be. The place was packed (40K or so):


But the DBacks got trounced, and you could pretty much hear the songs coming out of the iPods of the bored teenagers sitting next to you. It was 5-1 at one point and Dan was telling Xtina that we should give up, and she asked why, can't the DBacks come back? And we told her no, the Dbacks were really not that good at "playing the baseball." Seriously - this team is wacky - in first place despite being far outscored on the season. They are fantastic at 3-1 games, but Dan is absolutely right, they're going to be hard-pressed to ever come back from more than 2 down. Which makes the possible upcoming showdown with the Cubs at

all the more exciting. So the game was a bit of a letdown, though we did get to hear about a whole bunch of prizes being given away and had the privilege of paying significant amounts of money to be bombarded with mankind's entire creative gamut of flashing advertisements. Man, I suddenly have this urge to gamble... anyways, fun time as always with the DC, and we wrapped up the weekend with some more Deadwood and laundry. Wahoo! Always!

One dig to end the post:

These people are wicked unoriginal.

Skates & Snakes (& Skanky Shakes) (Sub-T Homesick Aches)


Good weekend here in the land where purple and orange is a natural skyscape, and not just an NBA fashion statement. Beck and I (and the DC Train) made it an all sports affair, with smatterings of Deadwood, karaoke and a well-placed stethoscope.

Friday was the usual biz - Tutorbin5000 was closed, so I spent the day going for a quick 5 mile run and finishing Rabbit, Run, a nice little thoroughly depressing anti-heroic account of America in the 1950s. And dashed dreams, has-been-ness, and the death of communication. Pretty heady, pretty good - real review pending - and I've since marched on into American Pastoral by Philip Roth, another cynical take on the American Dream involving a star high school athlete. THEME! And it's impressive, only 50 pages in. Good times.

Beck got home in the evening, and we watched the 9th and 10th episodes of season 2 of Deadwood - hmmmmmmmrumblenumblesumblbutt. Definitely still entertaining, but the constant politicking over the annexation of the camp is reminiscent of all of the politico-talk in eps 1-3 of the Star Wars series: pretty dry, and distracting from the more thrilling cursing and murdering to be done. Al remains a great character, even if his kidney stones deprive him of a couple episodes of dialog. Bullock, though, seems painted into a corner w/r/t his wife / Miss Garret issues. In other words, the second season is a bit of a slide - now that the shimmer of the shocking dialog and general histori-stylized dynamic has worn off, our focus has turned more toward the plot, and the season gets so wrapped up in the statehood narrative that some other aspects feel rendered peripheral. All that said, still a good watch, and it's always fun to experience the ridiculous pomp of formal 1870s social interaction against the backdrop of constant whiskey and whorehouses. (Speaking of whiskey - shudder vehemently at the prospect of an Al Swearengen drinking game. Either his drinks are watered down, or that guy has a Livertron 2000 installed).

Saturday, beck and I both worked - my center director showed up late due to a mysterious closing of the 101, so I spent the first 30 minutes of the working day discussing Rob Zombie's Halloween with a 13 year old.

Him: Rob Zombie's Halloween is the best movie ever!
Me: Really? I heard it was just gory and disgusting and debase.
Him: Naw, it's the best!
Me: Why is it the best? What makes it so good?
Him: It's awesome!
Me: Yeah, but what's awesome about it?
Him: It's the best movie ever!

I'm fairly sure that's an iPMM-approved instance of begging the question. Spent the rest of the working day increasing kids' vocabularies beyond "awesome" and "the best" and even spent a little time on "how to construct an argument." One day at a time, ya know. I got home just in time to see the Brewers lose to ATL in extra innings - wahoo! Cubs are up 3 as of today (Tuesday), so we are set for the every-five-years-or-so vomit-inducement that is the Cubs in the playoffs (see 1998, 2003).

Saturday night we drove across town to watch an AWESOME preseason hockey game b/w the Coyotes and the Dallas Stars (who were kind enough to not play Mike Modano - thanks, dudes). One of The Senior Partners in Beck's vet group had sweet tickets - four rows behind the penalty box - that he sold to us at discount, and it was fantastic to watch the psychotic speed of the NHL from up close. It's almost too fast - the rink is much smaller than it looks on television, and things generally look much more chaotic when viewed from the side than when given that nice bird's eye angle. There were a ton of goals - the Coyotes won 6-5 - a ridiculous number of penalties, and the highlight of highlights, an A+ hockey fight that occurred about 10 feet from our faces. The Beck mightily approved of the silly violence. But really, it was a good preseason game with plenty of fast-paced action - so much that we forgot to look across the ice at the coach's bench to spot a glimpse of the Great One. Oops.

But why talk about the game when you can cite the pageantry of idiocy SURROUNDING the game? Dan made the following comment about Sunday's DBacks game, but it applies easily here: "I'd be more entertained if they weren't trying so hard to entertain me." Every stoppage in play required two bozo DJ-types to address the crowd over the jumbotron, giving away prizes and playing idiotic games and making the white folks dance. The Coyotes also, thank something, have a dance team, whose members saunter down the aisle and dance asynchronously to miscellaneous beats after coyote goals. It's bizarre - 25 different interpretations of "do a cheer." And fear not, none of the dancers were bleached blond or otherwise took up accoutrements to look like strippers on an off night. (Though honestly, no high quality stripper would pass up a Saturday night's tips to perform at a hockey game, so we can be assured that these were ladies authentically living their dreams). The dance team also performs during the second intermission, though not on skates - weak. The remainder of the time of the game is spent chasing free t-shirts and then taking off said t-shirts and gyrating for a coveted appearance on the aforementioned jumbotron. And the guy in front of us taunted the players in the penalty box with the full spectrum of his wit, ranging from "you suck" to "you stink." In short, it was remarkably like a minor league hockey game, only the players were better. Sigh.

Oh, and it also turns out that the stadium is cold - that's why they call it "ice" hockey - and Beck chose to improve this condition by eating ice cream dots. Unflappable!

Having started our evening watching the height of athleticism in the lowest of athleticism-watching-brow settings, we continued on to a miscellaneous Glendale Mexican Restaurant Bar to meet up with some of the techs from beck's office for some solid Karaoke-ing. Or weird karaoke-ing - no stage, just a pair of mics that got passed table to table. Or stayed at the same table, as it were, since ours was pretty much the only occupied one in the run down joint. Some of Beck's colleagues can SANG, some cannot, and I broke up the country pop marathon with a painfully bad rendition of Bobby Z's "Subterranean Homesick Blues." The backing music was odd - the rhythm was off, it was seriously chincy in the guitars department, and on top of that the screen was flashing up incorrect lyrics. I think my brain was infected by all the drawls, so I ended up twangifying my Dylan impersonation. Tragic. We deserted the deserted desert scene to head home to our happy dogs, and fell asleep after a good Saturday.

(Cont'd).

Monday, September 24, 2007

Usut Tuntas!!!!

sebenarnya saya agak malas mengikuti perkembangan masalah ini sebelumnya, tapi ternyata sudah masuk ke dalam skala yang parah, yakni tidak adanya tindakan yang tegas dari pihak kepolosian untuk mengusut pelaku yang merampok (dan hampir) memperkosa rekan mahasiswi ilmu komunikasi, maka kami melakukan aksi berupa pencabutan stiker pete-pete 07.















terlihat anarkis? percayalah kalian akan merasakan hal yang sama ketika saudara perempuan anda diperlakukan secara tidak bertanggung jawab. usut tuntas! itu keinginan kami!!!!

baca beritanya di :

Mahasiswi Unhas Nyaris Diperkosa

Mahasiswa Copot Stiker Petepete Kampus 07

Image provide by Yudha

Friday, September 21, 2007

Pomo: I have seen the enemy, and he is I... and my contextual community

It's Friday afternoon, an official day off, so i decided I would surrender to my ill-begot desire for a perfect post 200 and just throw down what the good day done brought me.

I am in the midst, it seems, of the baby-killing literary canon*, as I have just finished both Toni Morrison's Beloved and John Updike's Rabbit, Run, both of which, with all apologies for the spoiling, prominently feature the death of babies and/or their eighteen year-old incarnate ghosts. The emotional effect of reading these back to back was semi-crippling; I in fact tried to watch the movie version of Beloved this afternoon and failed due to soul-cringing (though this may have been due to some SERIOUSLY odd choices by the special effects department and the fact that Paul D is played by, as advertised on the box, "Lethal Weapon IV's Danny Glover!"). To recover, I watched the Cubs game this afternoon, which thankfully did not incorporate the slaughter of any baby bears.

(* - not to be confused with the baby-killing TV cannon:)



So then I ventured out into the expanse of "teh interwebs" and read a few heady papers on Beloved & its relationship to postmodernism. A while back, my Tufts-bud Ariel was stopped before boarding an MBTA train and asked to pour his bottled water on himself to demonstrate that it was not acid (or that he was not a vampire and it holy water); this was in the height of Logan insecurity, and Ariel deemed it a "postmodern baptism." The Tuftsmen debated and it was relatively inconclusive whether this was actually a postmodern event or just one that had occurred in "these postmodern times," meaning that the label was more temporal than contextual. These are, it seems, the nerdy arguments that we have. On a fantasy baseball board. Nerds. Beloved, by contrast, has undeniable postmodern content, but also maintains an odd-place stance of offering a "truer" historical narrative than the traditional, white-dominated ones that tend to edit the African American experience out of the textbooks.

Postmodernism and (the decentralization of / corresponding need to restore) meaning is what I'm aiming to study in this little philo-venture, so these aspects of Beloved were enthralling to me (more on that in some review later, and yes, the laundry list grows). Pomo is, though, a slippery fish, as evidenced by the inability of 12 well-educated fantasy baseball players to nail it down. So here is a weak attempt: pomo is a school of thought / interpretation / art / architecture you name it that stands in opposition to the goals, attitudes, and belief structure of all things modern. "Modern" in this case means pretty much everything in Western thought from the Enlightenment through the 20th century. Simplistically, modernism represents the ideal that the world is an objective, knowable entity, that man is capable of coming to know this objective entity through the application of rational thought (and its extensions, e.g. the scientific method), that this knowledge is good and will allow man to conquer nature, resulting in continual progress towards some heretofore undefined beneficial end. Modernism has a tendency to streamline - think silver, flat edged no-frills buildings and appliances, uniform space suits in sci fi movies, modern art consisting of only pure forms of lines and color - so there's an overarching motif of whittling the universe down to a fundamental, controllable truth and set of laws to be mastered by mankind.

So, for an easy, working definition, pomo is the opposite - the belief that there is no centralized truth, but all experience is mediated by the particulars of person, community and context. Objective truth is at best inaccessible to us, at worst non-existent. Rational thought is limited in its ability to dissect the universe (though this isn't really a new idea). And because there is not objective truth and rational thought is limited, the idea that we can ever "know everything" is ludicrous. In fact, everything we "know" is only known within a context, and that context is formed by the community within which we know it and the particular heuristic / narrative we are applying. The beneficial end that modernism is theoretically progressing towards is viewed as an illusion, and in fact, in light of tech developments like atomic bombs, progress and the goodness of knowledge seem definitive non-guarantees. The whittling down of modern art is viewed as an artificial and imposed ideal; post modernism is so in tune with the concept of various, competing narratives that it welcomes contrasting styles and various eras in its art. Pomo art, at its essence, tends to ignore concepts of reality and truth and history as constructs, so you'll often see pomo art pieces as incorporating disparate elements in an attempt to make new statements. Pomo often utilizes irony - a basic form of juxtaposition of truth and intent, or anything in that general vein - and so pretty much anything that tends to blend elements, uses jarring, non-chronological storylines or shifting narrator perspectives falls under the general umbrella of postmodern (so yes, your four-fingered, text-citing, yellow friends might be called the epitome of this idea).

So pomo becomes a huge, amorphous and all-consuming category, with its root being that the notion of a linear history of humankind (or really, even a coherent notion of "the human condition" as a universal) is rejected. In fact, postmodern and "post-structuralist" get lumped together: structuralism is a method of study that acknowledges the constructed aspects of culture (e.g., language) but then points to the correlations across various cultures; post-structuralism rejects the "meta-structure" as a tool of understanding and not a "real" category. Post-structuralism takes things further and says that because understanding is so local-culture, local-narrative/structure dependent that texts, historical or otherwise, only have their meaning in the context of their interpretation by a reader. This is held to the point that "authorial intent" is considered irrelevant - indeed, the phrase "death of the author" is a pomo postulate, since even if you could pin down an author's intent, it would be the product of a culture of structures and narratives and not that of an individual mind.

Urgle. I found a few examples that I read in Stanley Grenz's A Primer on Postmodernism helpful. First, try to imagine the static truth/meaning of the sentence, "The mug is on the table." Pomo argues that while it seems like a simple, defined situation, that the real meaning of the sentence is entirely context dependent: if you are thirsty, it means one thing, but if you are being chased and need a projectile, it means something altogether different. Second, the term "mug" meaning mug is an arbitrary one. When you talk about mugs, you are limited to using your language about them, and since there is nothing "real" about the connection between the word and the object, you are stuck with all of the limitations of the language - namely, that language is inherently contextual and, beyond that, social. So the objective status of mug is inaccessible - you can only approach it through limited, conventional means. Finally, this may all seem like word-game hooey - but 20th century physics shows us all kinds of crazy things about the non-static, ever-evolving and relative nature of truth, even in the simple case of talking of objects and their motions. And if even the building blocks have their truth defined from a perspective...

My big problem with this whole take on "the world" is that it seems a gateway to all kinds of heinous things, like moral relativism and nihilism. And there's that whole, let's face it, uneasy feeling of having truth and your world de-centered. Pomo gets criticized for its cynicism and its having posed a whole bunch of questions sans answers; it seems the stance is "the world is shifting, unreliable, culturally structured and imposed upon by our arbitrary narratives; deal with it." And even if it seems on some level that there are biological imperatives that would transcend whatever categories we're slapping down - I mean, bullets to the head, not eating and the like will render whatever narratives you're operating under fairly moot - I'm really hesitant to bow to some kind of "evolution as predominant meta-narrative" idea because this just slips back into that moral relativism, that whatever good and badness we assign things is only good or bad insofar as they keep us alive and reproducing. And it's probably some kind of judeo-christian residual narrative I'm operating under that makes me feel that way, but all the same, that kind of world-as-survival wasteland is not a conception I'm very comfortable with - I'd like to find another way.

So that's the big question I've come to, and I like it, because it seems to finally be the underpinning-est of all the underpinning-ideas. A long time ago I took a film class at Duke TIP and it destroyed the way I watched movies; I could only see the structure and the set-up. I feel the same way about anth, religious studies, philosophy, and all the classes / reading I've done sense - once you've seen the structure and function of things, and if you've sniffed there arbitrariness - or at least their non-accordance with predominantly believed causes - you cease to be able to view life, or culture, or any of it the same way. This has, admittedly, caused some desperate nights for me. But I'd like to pursue meaning still; I think I've found where it lies.

Just to tie this back into Beloved for the sake of completion - the novel pulls off a dazzling marriage of fiction and history, memory and truth, and even throws in a brain-dashing infusion of the supernatural in the real, without a blink. Its pomo-ness lies in its juxtaposition of all these categories, its circular conception of time and its suspicion at the accuracy of the trad historical , linear narrative; its decidedly un-pomo stance is its effort to replace the trad narrative with the African American, emotional experience narrative and claim it as somehow "truer." And this may be a tragically cliché white male reading of the text, too, but damn if it doesn't engender unbearable guilt, not only over the inconceivable acts of past white generations, but guilt at any contemporary complaining we do next to the horror of those lives. It's a conception that renders the ranking and ratings of books ridiculous - I questioned repeatedly while reading how much of the power was derived at via literature/authorship, and how much was just the inherent pain in a terrible story- Beloved's death may contextually trump that of Rabbit's child no matter how well or badly each one was written, if I let my WMB take root. Regardless, great, powerful works; I will put something more coherent together about each soon.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Screaming at last


Tampaknya semester 7 ini benar-benar membunuh pelan-pelan. Untuk mata kuliah terakhir, begh! Tidak disangka bahwa mereka akan sebegini ganasnya. Ini baru awal semester, gimana nanti pas dipertengahan ato pas udah mau final? Emang butuh amunisi yang kuat deh, apalagi abis semester ini udah skripsi. Apa? Skripsi? Ya skripsi, sodara.
Untuk mata kuliah studi kasus Public Relations, satu masalah sudah terlalui. Ini pun perlu perjuangan berdarah-darah yang dimulai dari minggu lalu. Sebenarnya dengan segenap kekuatan yang saya miliki (halah!) saya mampu menanggulanginya. Ternyata faktor-faktor pendukung membuat kejengkelan ku menjadi semakin memuncak. Dan itu disebabkan oleh,, sang ketua kelas!!!
Sante nya main nunjuk-nunjuk yang presentasi. Okelah saya terima kalo emang dia nyuruh saya untuk presentasi pertama kali. Tapi waktu itu saya sedang izin untuk seminar akhir KKN. Dan akhirnya, saya mengetahui kenyataannya. Saya tampil dengan tidak mengetahui apa yang akan saya presentasikan, bagaimana modelnya, apa bahannya. Dan lain sebagainya.
Kenyataan ini terlambat saya sikapi. Dan pas hari besoknya presentasi saya baru membuat bahannya. Perjuangan saya? Tidak usah diceritakan lagi. Karena seorang teman saya kemudian berkata, ”kamu gak ikhlas skali kerja tugas.” ini bukan masalah ikhlas gak ikhlas, karena tugas presentasi yang sudah saya buat dalam bentuk file word dan power point, dengan mencari bahan sampe jam 4, pergi nyari buku, trus begadang dari jam 12 malam sampe pagi, dan sampe mata kuliah itu berlangsung saya belum memejamkan mata sedetik pun, tapi ternyata... DOSENNYA GAK MASUK! MAMPUS!!!
Jadi untuk mata kuliah ini, diundur ke minggu depannya lagi. Dan itu sudah resmi berlangsung kemarin. Khusus untuk Pak Unde (salut!!! Thankz a lot!!!) menginginkan mata kuliah ini dilakukan di luar ruang kuliah. Makanya kelompok yang akan tampil presentasi di wajibkan mencari tempat untuk presentasi, skaligus ngabuburit dan buka puasa. Karena kuliah kemudian dipindahkan ke jam 4 sore. Masalah? Tidak menjadi masalah, karena Pak Unde mau menanggung setengah biaya konsumsi. Yang jadi masalah adalah dimana tempat yang bisa digunakan untuk presentasi, dengan harga sekitar 10 ribuan dan menyediakan menu untuk berbuka puasa sekaligus makan? Ini yang jadi masalah. Akhirnya hari senin kemarin, setelah semua urusan kelar di kampus, saya atraksi! Dari mal ratu indah, jalan ke kafe yang ada di mappanyukki, keluar di kedai 33 yang ada di cendrawasih, sampe masuk lagi ke mappanyukki. Seandainya ndak puasa, okelah... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu, tragis!
Masalah tempat udah fixed, dan udah konfirmasi dengan sang dosen. Dengan bujet 13 ribu, dapat ayam goreng + lalapan + nasi + sup + teh manis + aqua rasanya udah lumayan. Dan kita pun hanya membayar 6 ribu, karena 7 ribunya ditanggung sang dosen. Pada hari presentasi, karena emang gak ada kuliah lain, saya juga gak ke kampus. Lagian kafenya juga berada di seputaran cendrawasih. Jadi skalian sore aja saya jalan. Paginya saya pun kirim sms bwat sang ketua kelas, ngingetin untuk pinjam lcd.
”didi, jangan lupa pinjam lcd untuk presentasi sebentar sore, key”
Balasannya,
”yang presentasi dong yang urus. Capek skalika”
What the hell... langsung sms berlanjut,
“EH ITUMI TANGGUNG JAWABMU SEBAGAI KETUA KELAS, KAU YANG HARUS URUS”
Balasannya lagi,
“gini aja, saya yang pinjamkan lcd, kita yang bawa bagaimana?”
Mau pendek umurnya ini anak. Secara dia anak 2005 yang terlalu lincah ambil kuliah. Karena memang ini mestinya kuliah anak 2004. ckckckck, akhirnya saya saya Pamz ke kampus jam 11 siang ditengah matahari makassar yang lagi lucu-lucunya, menempuh jarak cendrawasih – kampus unhas untuk mengurus lcd. Sudahlah, saya tidak ingin mencari masalah. Kalo emang dia gak mau urus, nanti saya yang pinjam. Karena bisa berabe, entar nilai kita yang ada pada error. Mampus!
Ternyata saya juga masih manusia (bukan, sekali lagi kamu bruang!), pas melihat mukanya ni anak di kampus, napsu untuk menggampar ternyata tidak tertahankan. Masalahnya mukanya menunjukkan muka ndak berdosa lagi. Memuakkan. Jadilah saya meneriaki dia di depan jurusan selama 10 menit lebih. Dengan 3 dosa besar :
1. menunjuk kami secara sporadis pada saat kami tidak ada di tempat
2. memberitahu dosen mengenai tempat kuliah, yang dimana dia tidak menjelaskan dengan jelas, dan sang dosen balik menelpon ke henpon teman saya dan agak marah, yang terpaksa yang yang sikapi, dan setelah saya lihat ternyata bahasa sms nya seperti ke teman saja. Adek itu DOSENMU BUKAN TEMANMU. Bedakan bahasamu!
3. membuat saya dan Pamz atraksi di siang hari demi menjamin kami bisa presentasi sorenya, dan skali lagi masalah dengan bahasa. Mulutmu harimaumu! Ndak semua orang adek yang bisa menerima cara bicaramu yang seperti itu.
Akhirnya presentasi berjalan dengan sukses di sore harinya. Dengan penampilan PR dari Bosowa (Pamz), Pr dari PT. Jasa Marga (Basri) dan PR dari PT. Exelcomindo Pratama (iQKO). Semuanya berakhir, dan pyuh...
Moral cerita, ketika kita mau bersungguh-sungguh akan ada jalan untuk apapun, dan tolong perhatikanlah ketika berbicara dengan orang disekitarmu... pagi semuanya...

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Uber local Durham: Rue Cler



Had dinner at a terrific, small restaurant in Durham last weekend, Rue Cler. The service was solid, efficient without being intrusively ominpresent. The Clarion and friend each ordered from the Prix Fixe menu. First course options included a delicious marinated mushroom plate with a sharp side of greens slathered in Crème Fraîche. It was the first, but most certainly not the last of the superb, thoughtful, flavor combinations. My pal had a first course mixed green salad with oranges and candied pecans, also lovely. Both dishes had tantalizingly wonderful plate presentations.

For the second course, both of us got a pear tartlet baked with a scrumptious cheese mixture, and garnished with warm dates. Again, it was a brilliant flavor profile with an excellent plate presentation. The only down side, and perhaps we should have assumed it, but was no warning from the waiter that the tartlet might be a very hot temperature. Fortunately, no taste buds were scorched.

For the main course, we were both delighted with our selections. The Clarion’s friend had an amazingly wonderful dish of Kobe beef strips with little medallions of potatoes and hearty brown lentils. The lentil seasoning which was rich, meaty, peppery and warm, was out of this world. The beef was tender and cooked perfectly to order. The Clarion had a sumptuous, buttery soft piece of halibut, lightly breaded. The fish was served in a citrus sauce, over a bed of cabbage and sweet vidalia onions. Again, the initial reaction might be to think it a strange combination, but instead a couple more ingredients gave it a strikingly vibrant flavor profile; tiny, sharp, salty, black olives and capers, mixed with the sweet citrus sauce and buttery fish for a fantastic dish.

Normally, hard to talk into desert the Clarion had such a grand time, that arms barely had to be twisted before a banana chocolate chip ice cream appeared, accompanied by French Press coffee and real half-n-half. All and all, it was one of the best meals of ten years of living and dining in Durham.

Danimal Can't Critique Pure Unreasonableness

So we headed down to Thomas Ave. last night to hang out with Wren, Tim, Danimal and Xtina. Another shipment of licit greens had come in (woah! i mean organic veggies. no really! They came from a commune. i mean... oh, no) so Wren cracked her cooking knuckles and made some delicious salmon, salsa, salad, potatoes, "chocolate" cake and green tea ice cream. Yummy city. An altogether great time was had by all, and Wren professed her undying love for Robert Edwards. We also managed to catch a bit of the Red Sox choke (though they thank goodness won today, sheesh) and a couple of skits by Dave Chappelle. Excellent. And Dan and I talked about books and meaning and Derrida and stuff, because we are awesome and not at all nerdy. And FTR, Dan is the one who played laser tag yesterday. So there. The evening also, natch, contained a fair amoutn of Naia-gazing - she is a bit bigger at the two month mark, but still requires pacifier aka BINKY-assistance. We enter this world as we leave it, requiring BINKY assistance.

The super duper highlight of the evening was Christina's account of her own Outlook mastery. She has recently discovered that not only can you create tasks in Outlook (in a to-do list fashion), you can assign them to people. Being (insert adjective for evil here), she immediately assigned Dan the task of a two hour back-rub for Christina. Dan received this in his inbox. Dan replied that Christina "[was] being unreasonable," and for emphasis (and potential hyperbole / offense of everyone) added "like Hitler."

Now, this is obviously a bold and perhaps quick drawing (and let's not forget, offensive) claim. Christina was stunned, and admittedly wanted to reply to Dan to inform them that his Hitler reference was itself unreasonable. But since Dan dropped his ace on the first hand, Christina had nowhere to go; she could not escalate the conversation. it seems no one is more unreasonable than Hitler.

Dan went to lengths to explain his comment, but the whole shebangle is better handled with diagrams. First is Dan's admitted account of the unreasonableness spectrum:



So Dan is really just saying something akin to "red, you are a color, like purple." But this is perhaps not exacting enough, as there are certainly a lot of colors in the mauve ballpark, and this might imply that the two share more than they do. So quick, someone call up Mr. Venn:



So Christina merely shares a quality with the oft-cited worst human being ever, not an extent of that quality. Phew, glad we cleared that up.

Fun, nerdy times. There was also a drastic, near-come-to-blows discussion of whether humidors humidify products or regulate their humidity. Dan was in the regulate camp; Beck, apparently representing the kitchen implement naming institute, stated that they only "humid" things. That is a fresher; she's going on break. Comparisons to items placed in refrigerators in a post-freezer state were made. Forks and knives were threatened to be thrown. The passive voice was used. A madcap evening. And we got to leave with a box of licit greens. Hoorah.

Good times in Phoenix. Today we worked, and I got home in time to watch UT eek it out. Quiz time:

You just scored a TD and are up 35-24 with 2.5 minutes left. Do you A) kick the extra point for a 12 point lead, requiring two TDs to beat you or B) go for two for a 13 point lead, requiring two TDs to beat you?

If you answered duh, I would kick the XP, because a 13 point lead and 12 point lead are equivalent in that situation, and missing the two point conversion would leave you vulnerable at only up 11... well, you are not the genius that Mack Brown is. He correctly feared the inevitable "they score a touchdown, we have to take a safety, then they kick field goal" scenario and accordingly went for two. Or maybe he feared the "two field goals and a touchdown" scenario. When the other team had one timeout. Regardless, UT didn't get the 2 point conversion, and yep, UCF scored a TD, got their 2 point conversion and UT had to sweat out an onside kick at the end of the game. ?!?!?!?!?!!!!!?!! And the spread was 16 points, so the point shaving angle doesn't even add up here!

So sportswriters will scream about Vick / cameras / HGH and the like for hours, but when a coach does something completely inexplicable and stupid like that, it fades into dust. Yo, sports writers! Write about sports!

(Also golden from last night, Dan complaining about The Emperor's Children being overly episodic and dramatic: "I kept turning the page expecting an ad for detergent and tampons!" Fantastic).

More later. And again, FTR, the next post is #200 of the Ballad, so I'd better do something AWESOME with it. Hmmmm...by the pricking of my thumb...

Friday, September 14, 2007

This is an in:

In case you haven't heard, CBS has achieved some kind of ubiquity. HUZZAH!

Soxy Friday

Sitting on the Sofa on a Friday afternoon... watching a Boston - New York evening game (and indeed, Joe DiMaggio is nowhere to be found). And Dice K is being Dice E, meaning that he is erratic (not that he is cursing in mediocre movies/standup). The first inning in sequence:
  • Damon reached on a squib single past the pitcher on the first base side
  • Jeter runs a full count bu tpops out to center
  • Abreu runs a full count, hits a groundball up the middle which Pedroia stupidly tries to throw to second. Lugo, with Damon on top of him (he was running on the full count), drops the ball.
  • First pitch curveball plunks A-Rod. bases loaded, one out.
  • Posada smashes the ball to Youk at first, who... throws home, nearly drilling Dice K in the head. Wow. Why go 3-6-1 when you can prolong the inning? Damon is out at the plate on the force, though. Bases still loaded, two outs.
  • Matsui goes 3-0, takes a strike, fouls off a pitch, and finlly grounds out to Lugo. Phew. 27 pitches, and no damage thus far.
Why the detailed account? Sox have a five game lead which could potentially shrink to 2 with a Yankees sweep here. Which would be accompanied by a whole lot of badness in New England. Badness of the shrieking / moaning / screaming variety, or "par for the New England Sports course."

And speaking of New England Sports, the blogverse / sportsverse / whateververse has eschewed poignant, contemporary headlines like mine ("The Patriot Act") for 35 year old snowclone "CameraGate" or the slightly more clever "Sets, Spies, and Videotape" (though that is still a reference to a movie from the late '80s). And in case you missed it, Belichick has been fined $500K, the Patriots fined $250K and lost some draft picks. Them'$ $ome expen$ive $tolen $igns, eh? I am at home with the idea of a single person being fined $500K. I crunched some numbers, and I think this is the equivalent of fining Sparkle eleven hot dogs.

Mike NTPB mocked a comment I made on our baseball board and said that maybe I should study for the LSAT so I could learn about logic and analytic thinking. I replied that I stopped studying for the LSAT when I realized I couldn't understand the math required to set a price on my soul. Oh, me so pithy, oh, oh, me so pithy.

Sox just went quietly in the first; Dice K has resumed his struggles in the 2nd (currently runner on first with one out). Oh, we'll keep you faux-updated.

I finished Falling Man yesterday, a 9/11 Topical by Don Delillo (here are Don Delillo's 9/11 thoughts a few months after the fact). I'll save any kind of real analysis for a later review (my "review to do" inbox is stacked quite high these days), but as far as its immediate connection to the Nyetverse (is concerned), there's one thing that stood out to me. The novel is on one hand a collapse of the "9/11 idea" back into the day and its events themselves. On the other, it's an account of the bizarre space created in the aftermath of the event. One of the foci of this bizarre space is the titular character, The Falling Man, a performance artist who jumps off buildings around NYC and assumes the pose portrayed in a rather famous and taboo photograph (pictured here, along with a historical account of the shot). The question or comment is obvious, but it's rendered vibrant by the book - how can art, particularly art in the ironist/postmodern age, interact with an event so widely believed tragic, heinous beyond belief and beyond the purview of artistic comment?

I remember the iPJ passionately arguing that 9/11 brought an end to faux-hipster, detached ironic commentary, that the event carried such real, objective gravity that indifference and apathy were no longer options. While I agreed that in the immediate this was true, that such an event on your home soil, "in your back yard," was sure to shake people off their invincible high chairs, I didn't think it was a permanent end. While the ironic, distanced stance is often one of convenience - this is a relative of the "no atheists in the foxhole" concept, that you can only refuse to care if circumstances don't dictate that you do - even real, tangible events cannot crush its application, and Delillo's FM character illustrates this. And he is not necessarily being an ironist - it could be a form of visceral protest, it could be ironic commentary, it could be an effort at keeping the event real for as long as possible. Still, the point is that even in that bizarre aftermath, individual take and expression is possible, whether it violates concepts of taste or not.

Anyhoo - more complete thoughts / review pending. I have progressed on to the theoretical "best American novel of the past 25 years," Beloved by Toni Morrison, which if nothing else is a nice respite from the clinical angular style of Delillo's dialog. So that's "what's next."

The Sox are up by two after three, and I grow weary of this account. Check ESPN if you're interested.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Obvious (?)

So, Bill Belichick is caught illegally taping the Jets defensive coaches giving signals - that's right, he used technology to illegally record information they shouldn't have had access to - and no one runs this headline?:

The Patriot Act

Thanks, I will be here all week AND part of next week.

Sorry for the dearth of posting - Beck has been sick for about the past week and a half, and she is finally turning the corner. Poor Werbakeuh - lots of coughing, headaches, getting sick from the meds, ugh. No fun, but she is AWESOME and has completely powered through. SO three huzzahs for the unstoppable one. We have managed to watch the entire first season of Deadwood in our drugged (her) and addled (me) state, and so now have divine access to info like the fact that lollipops in 1875 were called "Koques." Who knew?

Seriously, wow. And all those weird scenes with everyone eating the citrus fruit and people repeatedly referring to "you, 'nother pucker."

Otherwise, things are going well in the tutoring biz, and thanks to some kind words from Frank, friend Jill, the PGoat and others, I'm fairly resolved to at least get started down the degree path at ASU and figure out things later (i.e., possibly get a masters here and phd elsewhere, or just do it here and let the chips fall). So i feel like I have a little bit of a plan in place, which lends stability and centrality to a Nyetverse which is otherwise entirely defined in truth terms by context and temporality. Or something.

And I played my first VOTS Ultimate league game last night, and predictably, it was wildly ugly Ultimate, but a good time nonetheless. Our team is very NICE, and I mean that with all the "good personality" undertones you are sensing. JK LOL Enter. Seriously, we are alright - we won the first one 14-9 in a heavily wind-disrupted affair - and we'll just ee how it goes for the rest of 'em.

Oh, and upon request, I'm supposed to end this post with

Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali Ali RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because these posts are apparently otherwise "boring." :)

(sebuah) Perjumpaan Kembali

Sibruang sign in mode ON

Wah, kangen!!! Tidak terasa akhirnya 2 bulan berlalu juga. Terdampar di pelosok Enrekang secara untuk mengabdi kepada masyarakat, terlewati sudah! Tidak ada lagi prosesi menyebrang sungai tiap hari, tidak ada lagi jalan kaki 3 kilo untuk ke dusun sebelah, tidak ada lagi memetik coklat di kebun. Selesai! Semua cerita dan kenangan mengenai KKN sekarang sudah seharusnya disimpan di sudut untuk kemudian dibuka kembali di kemudian hari.
2 bulan 2 minggu tepatnya gak ngurusin rumah sendiri. Debu dan sarang laba-lab sudah tampak disana-sini. Banyak tetangga baru yang datang, banyak teman yang ingin dikunjungi. Well, sekarang rasanya menjadi awal yang baru lagi dalam cerita sayah.
Dan akan banyak cerita nantinya yang akan saya bagi. just this, at finally I’m back,,
Skalian juga mo ngucapin selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa, semoga diberi kekuatan dan rahmat selama menjalaninya.
Glad to see you all again,,

Regards,

iQKo

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Tainted Philo

Bohmp. Bohmp. Bup. Bup. Byemp. Byemp. Buddha.

After an enjoyable Labor Day weekend, it's back to the grind - wait what huh? Yep, I just got back from my first "shift" at the Tutoring Combine - good stuff, not entirely glamorous, but fun to help kids and have "gainful employment."Ah, nice. But not my most productive day of the week by a furlong.

TUESDAY, I went to the dentist for a surreal experience. The office is - YUP! - located in a strip mall, and when I entered there was one receptionist/tech in the joint, that was it. She was the only one around for miles (or, the fifteen feet to the next shop). So she took my insurance card and info and walked me back and immediately took me back to the chair and started shooting X-rays at my brain. Fifteen separate pictures of my teeth, and me with no super powers. tres annoying. Anyways, she was very nice and chatty, altogether pleasant, even if she did have to stop midway when a person came in the waiting room - seems there's some overriding hierarchy programming priority setting dilemmas when it comes to the "dude in chair" / "dude in lobby" dichotomy. But we got the X-rays done, and the dentist finally strolls in from his lunch break - I think he actually ended up taking the dude in lobby's info.

There is no reasonable, linear way to convey the cleaning / conversation experience with the dentist - he was way wack out there - so I'll just throw the details out in some kind of bulleted list:
  • I have another wisdom tooth that is still lodged in my head, bringing the total to 6. WISE.
  • He has a 50 year old dental hygienist wife who makes 100K a year.
  • She is pretty, really pretty.
  • He laments choosing the pretty one over the smart one.
  • Not that the pretty one isn't smart.
  • I have rough teeth.
  • He is taking an investment class, because he would like more money.
  • That class meets twice per week for seven weeks and the homework is easy because he finds it interesting.
  • The one that got away in an anaesthesiologist and cardiac surgery specialist at Brown.
  • She also worked at Brigham & Women's Hospital at one point.
  • Not that the pretty one is dumb.
  • I must be a mouth breather. Is he right? Yes, he thought so.
  • The good looking one and he are divorced. But he has no regrets.
  • Other, apparently, than the one that got away.
  • (At this point he brings up a picture of his ex-wife on the video screen which was recently showing my 6th wisdom tooth on X-ray)
  • See, she's pretty. And that's at 50.
  • I could floss more.
  • He could have been a root canal specialist. The starting salary is 600K per year. He notes this in front of his sec/tech, in all her 40K tops glory. Ah, classism!
  • I have no cavities, but I have wear on my teeth, which means I am grinding my teeth.
  • He offers to run away with the sec/tech and retire to an island somewhere; she insists her motorcycle mechanic fiancee come along.
  • His friend bought a million dollar home off the 8th green, but then his wife decide she didn't want to practice medicine any more.
  • A guy at my age could make a lot of money investing; I should take a course.
  • The ex-wife has been on the screen for the bulk of this cleaning.
  • My bottom teeth are clean, so now he will clean the top.
  • He chose the wrong girl.
  • I should whiten my teeth to catch a Scottsdale hottie.
  • He has other friends who check their stocks for an hour and then play golf all day.
  • Oh, I am married. Nevermind on the whitening, then.
  • I should see him again in 6 months.
  • He chose the pretty one.
  • He approves of my philosophy career path.
So that was fun. But the afternoon of awkward interactions was just afoot! I took the opportunity to drive down to ASU and talk to a professor down there to get a feel for the phil dept. I will not type this one in bullet form. After a cold start to the convo - he didn't remember me at all despite our conversations via e-mail - he settled into discussing a Phil career at ASU. He gave me a lot of particulars of the application process and other details that are non-essential here, but the big message of the talk was essentially that I should not go there; that jobs are few and far between and you are harming your chances down the road by going to ASU. This after telling me that there program was good and covered a variety of contemporary phil areas (he alternatingly pegged me as a medical ethicist / meta-ethicist and someone who should apply for a joint PhD JD program) - it seems that ASU just has a bad reputation in the phil dept. world, and that anyone who could qualify for better schools would be crazy to go there. I felt compelled and asked why anyone would ever enter the dept., if it was such a dead end, which caught him a little off guard. But he said it may serve as a good stepping stone to better depts. - something that he has advised students to do with no hard feelings whatsoever. Or sometimes people just say screw it and go for it knowing they are hindering themselves, and still other people are in my situation and playing the location game. Fair enough. We talked some more about having ambiguous ideas as to what type of specialty within philo I would be interested in (hence his conjecturing about my interests, which I apparently did a bad job of conveying - I'm more of a meaning or phil of language /mind guy, though perhaps the meaning behind ethics would be a good way to tap into the sexy world of med-eth, and maybe that's what made him peg me as such), but he said that was fine and fairly typical.

All in all a good informative conversation, but I definitely left with a sickly feeling that trickled all the way into today. Before that, though, two notes - one, it took a solid ten minutes to get him comfortable and laughing, and two, he also perked up noticeably when I told him my GRE scores (upon being asked). FWIW. Anyways, done. This was a weirdly hard thing for me to do, to go in relatively guns blazing and trying to get a relatively powerful stranger to help me, and I think it went well - I am painfully self-conscious in those situations, always weighing everything I'm saying to an insanity-inducing extent, but I did my best to calm myself down and be in the moment. And all that. So I'm glad, but still left with a crushing reality that yes, I probably already knew, but still hearing it so point blankly from someone within the very department was sobering at best, en-drunkening at worst. FTR, better depts. can be found at U of Arizona and UT Austin... and other miscellaneous locales (including the obvious missed opps in Boston) which may or may not surprise you.

ANyhoo, the sickly feeling - nothing new, just that repeated crappiness that the lost years of my wayward medding have cost me. I.e., why didn't I just do this years ago. Fork! Which is obviously wasteful and pointless thinking at this point, but still. I feel pretty dejected, like something that finally felt like good idea may be another foolish endeavor. I don't entirely know what to do about it, not that I have to make such a decision in the next five seconds, but it still puts a damper on things. I'd just like to get moving with this, yah? So maybe I'll just throw caution to the wind, dive in without a reasonable take on the outcome. Because that worked so well last time. UGH!

I 've done a reasonable job not letting the humbling real news stop me in my tracks - I finished A Primer on Postmodernism this morning and will write about its various cool effects on my brain-mind soon. And I wrote this awesomely meandering and unfocused post. YEAH!

On a completely different note - supertrooper Beck is sick with a bad cold and cough. Neither one of us is sleeping very well, and I feel just terrible for her - she is pushing through and still going to work, but not having a great time of it. Thankfully it's a three day work week for her, so hopefully she'll recover this weekend. So get well beck! And as always, thank you so much for anchoring us in my stupid period of indecision. You are, as always, my bestest.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Holding Them Hitless

Tres Exciting! Clay Buchholz threw a no-no for the Sox last night in his second start for a 10-0 win. I caught a lot of it on MLBTV last night, inbetween watching a slew of miscellaneous college football games, a Detroit game, a White Sox game, a DBacks game and the utterly ridiculous but still enjoyable movie Disturbia. Clay had a ridiculous 92 mph low and riding fastball, an apparently baffling changeup and a big, ol' time loopy 12-6 curveball that made the Orioles look pretty silly. Big congrats to the rook, and here's to the Sox staying five games ahead of the Yanks... for the time being. (What's that I smell? Monumental, depression-inducing collapse? For the sake of New England, let's hope that doesn't go down).

With all the sports-watching yesterday, you are probably inclined to think, "hey, the bum got nuthin' done." Which is - UNTRUE! I finished Underworld, review pending, though it may be a while because it's a fairly overwhelming book and difficult to wrap my head around. I'll come up with an angle shortly and add some inanity to the pile of crit out there already. I spent a healthy chunk of time reading reviews and criticism Saturday morning, which led into all kinds of internet forays into the Zapruder film, J. Edgar Hoover, the Baltimore Catechism and other elements of the book. Crazy, time-consuming, but altogether fun. I also started the Primer on Postmodernism, which, though I didn't know this when I checked it out, is a christian evangelical's account of postmodernism in order to tailor evangelical efforts towards modern (nay, postmodern) youth. The summary is good, though I suspect the punchline of the book's end may not be up my alley; we'll see.

The Beck is feeling sick, so we'll probably lay low for the day. I've got hot hot Ultimate this evening - I haven't played for two weeks, so this could be interesting. NEhoo, enjoy the day, and READ.