Mr. Mark Grace made me laugh on four separate occasions during the D'Backs game against the Brewers last night, so I thought it was about time we take a step back into yesteryear and post the Fatty Fat Mark Grace Listserv. This is another thing that may be a little too nerdy for people to stomach, but seriously, click the link. I traced the season of Mark Grace for a month in 2000 while winding up my Rice career, and did so in gloriously idiotic and occasionally funny fashion. Enjoy, and now I'll document the four homers Mark hit last night:
1. As the game started, Mark Grace and his play-by-play partner, Daron Sutton, were talking about the pre-game bratwurst spread they have been given. Sutton asked Grace "wow, Mark, have you ever been so well fed in your life?"
"No," Grace replied, "Tonight I am at the peak of my fatness."
Somewhere, 72 subscribers to the Fatty Fat Mark Grace listserv smiled.
2. Kevin Mench, right fielder for the Brewers in the game, if you haven't heard, as a gigantic head. A huge noggin; a veritable planetoid. It's like an orange on a toothpick. I could go on. It's like Sputnik; there, I just did. His nickname, in fact, is "Shrek." Last night Eric Byrnes popped a weak looper into right; Mench came charging in, but as he leaned over to field the ball, he wiped out, the ball dropped in and the hustling Byrnes got a cheap-o double. As the review is playing, Grace chimes in something along the lines of, "Really, Mench's problem here is just gravity - once that head tilts too far to one side, it's impossible to stop." Cheap, but funny.
3. In a few weeks, when the Cubs are in town (thanks again, ZACH!!!), Grace is hosting a charity event on Sunday afternoon where people can sit with him as he and Sutton announce the game from the bleachers. The event has a theme - "long-haired rock n' rollers" - and the likes of Dee SNyder from Twisted Sister weill be in attendance, AND Grace and Sutton said they would dress up as late 70s / early 80s hair rockers. Grace says, "And Daron here will becoming as Boy George of Culture Club." Sutton replies, "Oh yeah, that guy rocks." And Grace deadpans...
"Come on Don, be my lover, not my rival."
4. The last one was just cruel - with 2 on and the score tied, the Brewers brought in a minor league call up named "Balfour," pronounced like "Eddie Belfour" (of the Stars onceuponatime). And Grace just starts going off on him, first starting going on about "This is like a batter being named "Whiff"" and then just digging into him as the at bat continued, calling him "Ball Four" every two seconds. When Reynolds hit his 3-2 offering about 490 feet to left center, Grace concluded, "Well, Mr. Ball Four, maybe that's why you've spent so much time in the minors. Maybe you should go back and learn a thing or two." It was really just trash-talk, funny because of how insanely outrageous it was...
So, the game was actually going well, because the aforementioned three run shot gave the DBacks a 5-2 lead in the 8th. And I was waiting for the Beck to come home when suddenly she called me because she was driving home through the desert of northeastern Phoenix and... she had run out of gas. In a hybrid car that gets 50 mpg, Beck had forgotten to fill up. D'oh! Fortunately, the electric motor had enough juice in it, so she cut the A/C, drove slow and made it to the next station. This came at the end of a long, hard day, and fortunately tragedy was averted, so we shouldn't make too much fun. On the plus side... we now know that the Prius does not actually get infinite miles per gallon. AH, reality, you are a harsh mistress.
Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that I just IMed with Nyetverse heroine, the PGoat, and she reports that all is good in Rhode Island. She also wanted everyone to know the level of insanity she has suffered - a client, who three weeks ago had to come in twice to see her dead, frozen dog to really believe that her pet had been euthanised, just called Ali *at home* to check on the progress of the dog. Oh, dear. Crazy appears to still run in the sad waters up there...
But otherwise things up there seem good, and it was nice to hear a familiar voi... see her typing, which just smacked of Ali. I mean, Times New Roman, Font 12! Apparently it's a signature style.
And before I trail off, I should also report that I had a reasonably productive day - got ye olde resume up on several online sites. Started the arduous process of sending out feeler e-mails and generally did a lot of searching. I also checked out the ASU Philosophy Dept. website as a good place to start and may have gotten motivated enough to take the GRE in a few weeks - we'll see. I probably owe an entire post to the deafening drone of these days, my ridiculous level of indecision / apathy / malaise, but I would probably have to type that in black font on this black background...
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