So after three months of absurdly high electric bills - ours usually fluctuates between 90 and 110, and the last three months came in at 202, 267, 308 - and a couple of calls into our friends at nationalgrid who swore they could do nothing about it, we finally figured out the deal:
The ENTIRE TIME we have been at this apartment, we have been paying the elec bill for OUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS.
WTFTTM!!!! Our two electric meters are stacked on top of one another, and the top one is clearly attached to the electrical wires that run into the upstairs apartment. However, our door on the bottom floor is to the right of the door to the upstairs apartment. So some genius decided long ago that the upstairs apartment on the left is A and the apartment on the first floor, but on the right, is B. Which is why we live in apartment B.
But the geniuses at the electric company assumed that the B apartment was upstairs and that the A apartment was downstairs. Which is actually the right thing to assume, so this is largely a miscommunication. So no ill will for that.
The problem is that we have OIL HEAT and the upstairs neighbors have ELECTRIC HEAT. The upstairs neighbors also have gas heat, but they don't use it - apparently our old neighbors only used their gas heat, so this discrepancy did not come to their notice. But for the last three months, we have been paying both ridiculous heating bills for both apartments. CHINGAU to the max. Of course, the upstairs folks have been paying for my luxurious baths, but that does not even come close to covering that.
So, ill will towards:
1. Myself. I can't believe it took us three months to figure this out, and if we had just looked at the stupid meter instead of trusting the jackasses at nationalgrid, we would have known right away what was happening. Today, in addition to the clear evidence that the elec box number that we were getting charged for was connected to the top floor, Beck and I unplugged everything and guess what, the meter that we are not paying for stopped moving while the one that we are paying for currently kept spinning like a phishhead in the aisle. So I am dumb, and out something like $300+ bucks in the past three months alone, which I had better @#$%ing get back from national grid. And really, since the heat *probably* started kicking in in October, it's probably even worse than that.
2. The electric company. Tres @#$%ers! I called up as a concerned customer and their highly trained response was, "you know, it gets colder in the winter." How about this, dimwit - when someone calls in and says "what the hell, I'm using 2.5 times as many kilowatts as normal and I don't have any new appliances," how 'bout you say "I'm sorry, we'll send someone out right away and try to figure this out." If these pendejos don't give me back my money, I am soooooo traveling down to the Fresh Pond Best Western, grabbing my leopard skin robe and my sombrero, a walking cane and I am straight up pimp-slapping those beeatches! ARGH! Where my brocage at, chumps?!?!?!!
3. Bless their hearts, but the upstairs neighbors - it was 15 degrees! Your heating bill didn't go up at all? I went upstairs and specifically asked you if something funny was going on with your electric bill and you said no?!?!? HELLO!!!! You have been in the big city for six plus months now; that Midwestern PASS to Six Flags has expired!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH.
I'm not a sucka; I don't need a bodyguard. The universe owes me all those baths I skipped to keep our electric bill down. This had better work out in the financial end or I will type more mean words about you, silly peoples. Nationalgrid, you are on my list*!!!!**
* - Of companies that I use the internet to autopay.
** - At least part of my overly hostile reaction to this business is one, I just had to unplug everything in the house in the middle of when i was trying to write progress reports (for one of my students who is currently rocking the academic casbah with a 22 average - can you say "repeat senior year?" Perhaps you will be inclined to think - that guy stole my graduation from me - he's such a robster). Two, I was woken up after a short night's sleep by two "people," let's call them Wrarkle and Spigley, who decided that sunrise = go out = bark = jump on nyet's face.
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