First off, anyone who thinks that an honest account of this weekend's debauchery is going up in this space is sorely mistaken. I will given thinly veiled references, vague allusions to attendees, I may even post photographic and/or video evidence of a wacky time had by all, but you won't getting any running diary here. Wooha. Perry Wooha.
So Friday night, after our bowling fun, Beck and I headed home to clean the apartment up a little bit and wait for Dan and Christina. Dan who, cough cough, had arrived on "Wednesday." And did not make any effort to hang out with me on "Thursday afternoon" when he was "in town." He was "picking up" Christina at the airport and renting a car. So Beck and I waited in Grafton, and they rolled in a little after 10, not even bothering to make all the requisite John Cougar Melencamp jokes about our fuchsia abode. We ate tacos and hung out until the wee hours, looking forward to possibly some local culture and just hanging out inside away from the cold for the duration of the weekend. Little did I know...
Woke up early Saturday and tip-toed around the abode, trying to keep from waking the trio of sleeping beauts. Everyone eventually clambered out of bed at about 9:30 or so; beck made french toast and sausage and bacon and goodness goo. Delicious breakfast, and then I was instructed to take a shower "because you smell." This turned out to be a ruse as well - something about talking to the upstairs neighbor about taking care of the pups later tonight. Are you noticing a pattern here? Referring this as a web of lies is over-complementary to spiders; metropolis was more like it. SO after I had destenched myself, we went to Black Diamond Coffee for drinks and reading; Beck and Xina then dropped Daniel and me off at Newbury Comics where we put down some cash on some excellent tuneage. The ladies were late picking us up; we proposed an excellent fine for their mistake which involved selecting from amongst the fine Newbury poster collection, but they declined. Dan had a pizza jones, so we grabbed Tas-T's on the way back to the house, where we ate, watched college b-ball, and eventually settled in for a film.
This is where the car salesman in Beck suffered a stroke. She suggested going to dinner down in Cambridge, specifically to an Ethiopian restaurant that PGoat had recommended. Wha? Ethiopian doesn't exactly sound like my kinda deal, and why are we driving all the way into town for dinner again? And then Beck gets very insistent that we leave here before 6 so we can be down there by 7. Even though we weren't meeting anyone. Hmmmm... we jump in the car, and about halfway down to Cambridge, Dan suspiciously announces that he left "something" down at the hotel. I didn't bother interrogating; this combined with the fact that Beck had picked a bizarre route to get to Cambridge had me convinced that my fishy-detector was working properly. So I played along, remembering a brief encounter with Beck sometime in the fall where i had walked in to the study to find her sending an e-mail to Zach only to have her jump and cover the screen with both hands. I smelled a surprise party...
We got to the hotel and I had smelled right. I walked into the bathroom, and when I came out, I spied Julliette and Zach in the lobby. Huh? Next followed the entire group...
Beck, Dan, Christina, Julliette, Rob, Mike, Karen, Aaron, Roga, Jesse, Blake, Nick
And Jerrel, Dave and Lisa met up with us later. Incredible! And Beck had rented a party bus for our entire crüe, so we were headed out into the Boston night with a party-focused mission. Awesome. Despite not being "surprised," I was very excited to see the whole gang. Of course, now every time Beck tells me we are going anywhere or doing anything or what the weather is, I will be forced to eye her suspiciously. 'Tis a small price to pay...
So Aaron produces a leopard print bathrobe for me to wear this evening and the iF produces a gigantic, authentic style sombrero. I am basically in auspicious pimp gear; I am not going to be fading into any backgrounds tonight. Mike hands me a bottle of champagne and we are off to the races.
Incidentally, the sombrero robe combo worked wonders the entire evening in the "Nyet gets to talk to strangers" department. My comments correlated nicely with a general spectrum of the evening. Here are the various ways that I responded to the question (asked by strangers): "Why are you wearing a sombrero?"
1. This is my bachelor party / Because I'm getting married
2. Because I'm the Man
3. To celebrate my heritage.
4. To keep the sun out of my eyes (occasionally embellished with "for siestas").
5. To keep from getting sunburned in the fields.
6. Political protest in defense of the background characters of Speedy Gonzalez cartoons*
7. Why aren't you wearing a sombrero?
8. Holy crap! You're right, I'm wearing a sombrero.
9. It's not a sombrero; I have a very small head.
10. Because it's Bastille Day.
11. Jane, you ignorant slut.
* - I didn't really say this
So as you can see, I just got cleverer and cleverer. I did get stopped by someone in the street and asked if I had lost a bet; I said, "I'm getting married, so in a way, yes." The iF did not hear that one, I don't think, given the fact that I am still able to walk right now. We also were waiting outside a bar at one point and Beck asked somebody standing in line if the bar had a cover; the guy said, "I don't know, but I'm with that guy." Let the record show he pointed at the pimp in the sombrero and leopard robe. I was also adorned at some point with a lei and a medallion that simply said "Winner." That simple medallion led to an awesome joke by me later in the evening, the likes of which will not find print here.
SO the evening consisted of a trip to an irish restaurant, a trip to a pretty standard issue boston bar, and a transcendent visit to a Karaoke bar. I'll give you one highlight from each in lieu of a painstaking though breathtaking blow by blow account. Highlights: In the restaurant, Jerrel and I had a Eight Mile style rap-battle which I won hands down. He claimed I rope-a-doped him, throwing out cheesy rhymes until he let his guard down and them flooring him with my closer. In the bar, I just got hit on like crazy by women attending bachelorette parties in same said bar who were also wearing the same leis that I was. They were very dumb and annoying, or at least their drunk-slurred pickup lines were. And the Beck flashed them some dirty looks to the back of their heads; they're lucky they didn't try anything funny or they would have gotten iron-fisted rabbit punched and we would have spent the rest of the night gathering bail money for her beckness. Anyways, one of the bachelorettes finally staggered over and tried to trade my sombrero for a tiara. I kept trying to explain to her that she was clearly at a bartering disadvantage here, that sombrero pimps are one in a million whereas tiara-wearing faux princesses are so numerous that they're always apologizing and saying that the real princess is in another castle. She wouldn't hear it or couldn't comprehend it - I acquiesced and traded briefly for a photo op; that picture will be up here at some point.
The definite highlight was the karaoke - we marched into the bar and outsang the dweebs on stage. I have a definite karaoke bar record; i.e. I've seen a million faces and I've rocked them all. Past selections have included Whitney Houston's The Greatest Love of All, G'n'R's Paradise City, Elvis Presley's Suspicious Minds, etc. They all rock faces int heir own particular ways. Notably this was a reunion of sorts, as the G'n'R rendition happened at a Bennigan's in Clearwater Florida on an Ultimate trip with the Tufts guys. So they were an experienced backup band - Novelli on drums, Jesse on lead guitar - and the stars were aligning for a show for the ages. Someone selected Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again," an 80's metal song famous for, among other things, Tawny Kitaen:
You know, come to think of it, I'm not even going to try to describe the show. Novelli cell phone videoed it, so once I get a hold of that I will let the performance speak for itself. We rocked the bars collective face, even if Beck described my singing as suspiciously similar to my volume=art performance as Snoopy in the 5th grade. SO anyways, you'll have to wait, but it'll be well worth it, I promise.
So that's all you're getting. Hope you enjoed it. I will post more about the rest of the weekend / this past week soon, but ... wait... what's that? this just in - we hav epictures, courtesy of Mike NTPB. They will appear - in the next post.
I'm a Winner, HA HA HA,
ñet
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